Hitting Bottom

I confess. When I started practicing yoga 6 years ago I did it because I wanted to look good and feel peaceful. Mostly to look good though.

That came quickly and was the easy part.

If someone would have warned me about all of the discoveries I would make along the line about myself, maybe I would have thought it twice. Maybe not, I really wanted to look good.

Today I find myself face to face with my conditioned behaviors, recongizing them as old friends, noticing as they arise. I see the psychich energy leaving my body trying to "grab" what I want, when I want it. I see in full force, the lack of control over surrendering to a higher power. And I thought I was so enlightened.

Never in a million years would I have guessed that being on this path, in this practice, and opening my body through it, and releasing old holdings I would actually come accross to "behaviors", "patterns of thinking", "ways of acting", "my relationship to the world".

I am infinite grateful to be given the chance to go deeper into practice.

In the words of my teacher, Greg, what I am going trhough is the peeling of layers that eventually will reveal the Shiva within. Let me tell you, this Shiva entity is not exactly a walk in the park. I guess I am getting closer to the full meaning of surrender. Yes, shit happens and you accept it, you walk through it, you don't hide.

Namaste