On telling the truth

Lately I have been experimenting with speaking up the truth, and then just feeling what happens when I am honest and open.

Not something I enjoy doing, as I usually like to cover up the details of how I really feel with some sugar coated version of reality. That way, my plan goes, nobody gets to know how un-cool I am.

So when my friend Perry and I went for brunch today after practice, and he asked me the usual "how was my practice", I had a moment of doubt, but saw myself just opening my mouth and telling the truth.

I have been distracted because I am attracted to someone in class, and sometimes it is easy to not look and to focus on the breath and bandha, but sometimes it is not. This guy is clearly not attracted to me, and I guess that makes it even worst.

Saying things like this is very unlike me, I hate to admit that I am human and that something as embarrassing as being attracted to someone could happen to me. I much rather say that my practice was wonderful and then make some remark about how I almost touched my chin to the floor in bujapidasana.

Interesting thing is, my fear was that I would be seen as weird, but that is not what happened. If anything we got to talk about relationships and how difficult they can be, how sometimes we sabotage ourselves by becoming attracted to unavailable people, and about how these things happen sometimes. We even shared coping mechanisms.

So there, I guess I am normal after all.