The Course Continues

So I continue to do the course in miracles. I am up to lesson 13, and I am royally pissed off.

Everything I ever believed (as a sucker for the "American Dream" which I manifested in my life), is not true. Any plans we might have or want to have or goals set or whatever, they are all up to God and what is best for my evolution, whatever works to fulfill the sacred contracts I came here to fulfill.

I have been flirting with this idea, and sometimes it is OK, but when it comes to the things I really, really want, then I dont allow myself to believe it, I rather think that it is possible to set goals and "achieve". It is possible for me to get any man I am attracted to and "get him" to love me, or any career I want to have and "make it happen".

Now I am getting to the core of it, and Gosh, I don't like it, or rather, my ego, the one that feels like a five year old, is throwing a tantrum.

Am I really ready to trust God? this is not fake it till you make it anymore, now it comes down to: are you really willing to stop trying to get "things to happen" and trust that the way they are happening is what God intended?

Dear God, please give me the strenght that is required,
obviously there is no turning back now,
so please help me through this
let the ego die peacefully and quickly please.
Amen