Dear Shiva, give me the life I need

In January of 2008 I visited India for the first time. The warm, colorful, smelly, crazy and rich energy of Mysore was so different and exhalted than anything I had ever vibrated to, that my friend Martina and I felt prone to casting spells under the full moon.

At the time I was also reading Women Who Run with the Wolfs, a fantastic book. In in, Clarissa tells a story of a woman who would walk around asking the Gods to give her "the death she needed".

I found the story so compelling that I had to try it, and so, with Martina, in the balcony of the huge Mysore house we had rented for a whole 200 dollars, we casted the spell with Harry Potter's determination. I went a little further and dared adding Shiva's name to the phrase, in what ended up being "Shiva, give me the death I need!".

Little did I know that in the land of Shiva things do not go un-heard. My life since the return from that trip had a seemingly downward spiral effect, an initiation into the underworld. Since February of 2008 I have been taking stock and inventory of who I am, what I do, and what exactly are the intentions behind my every move. Nothing goes unchecked, and full accountability is the name of the game.

As a result, I have changed looks (yes India took away those extra pounds), jobs, life, and remained single for the longest time. Shiva gave me, I see in retrospect, exactly what I asked for.

A few days ago as I was writting in my journal it occured to me that I am ready to come back afloat, into the upperworld, I suppose, for lack of a more enticing word. I thought that if I could ask for the death I needed then I might as well be able to ask for the life I need.

"Shiva, give me the life I need" was heard between the blowing winds of West Orange on a sunny Saturday morning a few weeks ago.

Surprisingly enough, one does not need to be in India for Shiva to listen.

My life is changing, new life is being generated, and I am grateful. More to follow.

Namaste