There is an energy that is working itself out throughout my body. I feel it mostly in the backbends, have been feeling it for a while. There is pain that just does not go away unless I slow down, do less, stay present, stop showing off.

During the past 7 months I have received feedback on my practice from 12 teachers, I just counted. 12 teachers! and these are not teachers who tend to agree with one another, but rather teachers with very clear and definite opinions, from the ones that want me to start on the intermediate series to the ones that would rather send me back, from the ones that ask me to keep my feet mat width apart when backbending, to those who tell me to open the legs and even point the feet outwards.

I suppose all of them learned in their own way and found out what worked for them, and that is good, I suppose, for them. However, today, practicing along at home I found a renewed sense of presence, I was able to feel the internal movement of energy as I went through the poses, and even noticed exactly where it is that I become not present, it is right after the core poses, right after badakonasana http://j.mp/fFdPW.

Nevertheless I stayed with it. When in the difficult poses, instead of giving up I tried to figure out how was the energy flowing, and how did breathing deeply affected my state of mind and the stamina of my body.

Perhaps all the stars where aligned, I had a wonderful practice.

I am ready now for a steady teacher. Moreover I am ready to trust in a teacher where I feel I can expand the practice and where I can grow. I find this is not happening where I am now, and there have been so many changes at yogasutra that it just confuses me, and my body. Perhaps the back pain is a rebellion, and I understand it.

I did less today, only the three backbends from the floor. My back does not hurt now, and I honestly do not think there is any rush.

On the days that I do drop back, the first pose of the intermediate series, "Pasasana" http://j.mp/2NMYZ8, which is the pose some teachers tell me I should not do until I can drop back on my own, is actually the only thing that is helping me with the back pain. The intense twist actually gives me a surge of energy. I don't particularly like the pose but it just seems to produce a wealth of re-charging electricity.

Perhaps I am coming to that place where I make the practice my own. Especially when I practice on my own and there are no judges or helpers, that is where we can go deeper.

I have been reflecting a lot on what it means to teach yoga, and on what it means to have my own practice. Like backbends, it is a work in progress