A Tremendous Capacity for Happiness

Once I read that Warren Beatty said about Annette Bening (his wife of a long time), that what he likes about her is that she has a "tremendous capacity for happiness".

I remember wondering what that may mean and I found myself transported to when I was five years old, feeling the openness and the sense of urgency to discover everything around me. Living in the absolute conviction that everything was just fine the way it was. Opening my eyes wide and trying to drink the world in. Feeling the trusting delight of sharing my heart and innocence with whoever was put in front of me.

Life is now sending me into a happy period. I have met a man I like who responds to me, let alone the fact that he actually likes me and wants to be with me. I find myself smiling on 3rd Avenue, then again around Grand Central, and again in Penn Station.

I notice my distractions at the Whole Foods, and the irreverent forgetting my bag at Starbucks when I meet my friend for tea.

My tremendous capacity for happiness suddenly re-awakened, brought back from the remote past. And I wonder: is it OK to utter such words?. Is it really safe to say that one is happy in this world? in this economy? even though Guruji passed away? even though I don't have a job? in New York city?

Is talking about being happy a taboo?

I listen closely to conversations around me. I hear people talk about "hanging in there", I hear myself saying that "I am putting one foot in front of the other", some go as far as to say that they are "trusting the divine", but when was the last time you heard someone saying, plain and simple, with the openess of a five year old: "I am happy"?

Well, I am.
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Praying together

Today I went to the Ganesh Temple again to pray for Guruji's passing.

Eddie and an indian person (don't know who he is) sang the Upanishads (the ones that were "assigned" (I guess) to the family of Pattabi Jois), then the 1000 names of Vishnu and then the first 3 chapters of the Gita.



The chanting in Sanskrit was hypnothic, and the vibration was intense.


At the end a woman named Barbara chanted songs of devotion to Govinda, and we followed her in call and response form. I found myself so inmersed, so touched, that tears flowed through me.


I noticed how chanting is so much more involved than any other form of devotion. At least for me. It seems that when we chant, the vibrations go right through us and hidding our emotions is much harder. Chanting really opens us up, brings the feelings out, makes us vulnerable and paves the way for true devotion. It seems to set the right tone for communication with God to happen, the fertile ground, the field of all possibilities.


Guruji's physical form may be gone, but the spirit does stay with us, with all of us, his students, and more importantly with what we do with the legacy, how we share it with the world, how we bring about peace and health, for us and others, in our own ways. No small responsibility
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Pattabi Jois died today at 4:45 AM NY Time

Between my second and third sun salutation John stopped the class today to tell us that Pattabi Jois (center) passed away today.

He asked us to sit down for a minute and think about the greatness of this man, and the fact that we are in the studio every day, doing this type of yoga, and enjoying its benefits thanks to him.

As John helped me in Marichasana D I asked him if he was sad. "That is not the right word", he answered. He seemed confused. I guess we all are. To John, Guruji as Pattabi Jois is lovingly called, was like a "grandfather", someone he loved and respected very deeply, someone who guided him on this amazing path.

Even though he never taught me directly and I only saw him a few times when in Mysore last year, I dared share my own experience of Guruji with John too. The thing about him is that his famous quote "Do your practice and all is coming", has taken new meanings as time goes by. As I keep practicing (and by "practicing", is my understanding, he meant "focus on God"), I realize that the "all" that is "coming" changes.

When I started practicing I wanted a good body, I wanted to be a certified teacher, and I wanted to be able to do all of those hard core asanas. Today I have love in my life, and "all" means sharing with the man I love, while building a life together and sharing yoga with the world.

Ultimately I know that through the desires we get closer and closer to the core, and perhaps one day, in one lifetime or another one I will only want God.

John told us that in Indian tradition the spirit is still very attached to the body for the first 12 days, and then, on day 12 there is a dramatic detachment. Prayers will be heard throughout the world in his name.

Today from 11 to 1 there will be prayers at the Ganesha temple at 430 Broom street (Eddie Stern's shala).

In gratitude to my teachers. Namaste.

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Dear Shiva, give me the life I need

In January of 2008 I visited India for the first time. The warm, colorful, smelly, crazy and rich energy of Mysore was so different and exhalted than anything I had ever vibrated to, that my friend Martina and I felt prone to casting spells under the full moon.

At the time I was also reading Women Who Run with the Wolfs, a fantastic book. In in, Clarissa tells a story of a woman who would walk around asking the Gods to give her "the death she needed".

I found the story so compelling that I had to try it, and so, with Martina, in the balcony of the huge Mysore house we had rented for a whole 200 dollars, we casted the spell with Harry Potter's determination. I went a little further and dared adding Shiva's name to the phrase, in what ended up being "Shiva, give me the death I need!".

Little did I know that in the land of Shiva things do not go un-heard. My life since the return from that trip had a seemingly downward spiral effect, an initiation into the underworld. Since February of 2008 I have been taking stock and inventory of who I am, what I do, and what exactly are the intentions behind my every move. Nothing goes unchecked, and full accountability is the name of the game.

As a result, I have changed looks (yes India took away those extra pounds), jobs, life, and remained single for the longest time. Shiva gave me, I see in retrospect, exactly what I asked for.

A few days ago as I was writting in my journal it occured to me that I am ready to come back afloat, into the upperworld, I suppose, for lack of a more enticing word. I thought that if I could ask for the death I needed then I might as well be able to ask for the life I need.

"Shiva, give me the life I need" was heard between the blowing winds of West Orange on a sunny Saturday morning a few weeks ago.

Surprisingly enough, one does not need to be in India for Shiva to listen.

My life is changing, new life is being generated, and I am grateful. More to follow.

Namaste
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