Ready to teach.

It has always been the case in my life that I really learn something only when I start teaching it.

I am currently looking to start teaching regularly, rather than here and there, I am looking for one class that I can teach weekly, a routine, a group of people to share the wealth of yoga with.

I went through a brief period where I thoguht that asanas were just exercises. I guess I had to go through that to really understand the purpose of them. It is to clear the knots in the body, to help us identify blind areas of feeling, and create a much more balanced body and mind for the ultimate practice of meditation, which will lead us to happiness.

Seen in this light, suddenly the practice of asana takes on new meaning, and sharing it with the world becomes more like a mission, my contribution, and I want it.

As I come up with the format of the class, as I dissect what are the most important things that I benefited from when I began on the path, I find myself looking at the asanas and to what happens to me as I go through them.

I browse the web searching for web casts and videos of other teachers to see how they do it, what language they use, what is it that makes a yoga class a great class, where the students reach that level of peace and awareness that only at times we find in a class.

This is a whole new chapter in learning for me, and even though I have stood in front of a classroom for the past 10 years at my corporate job, this is a very different type of class. Where I used to teach software now I am teaching body posture, big difference, yet, I suppose, the human element is still the same.

Wish me luck, here I go.

Namaste
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Another hidden secret, this one is about the real purposse of meditation

Why do we practice? Yes, why?

Ever wondered? I have, a few times. Lately I guess, noticing how my hair starts to go grey, I realize, lo and behold, I am mortal, I shall die, and I am scared, not so much of the passage but rather of pain, and pain, oh pain, it is a fact of life isn't it? even that grey hair gives me pain.

So the sages say, when you realize who you really are, then you dont need to come back anymore, then you are liberated.

But what does all of that mean?

For me at least, just the thought of having to go through puberty again, the violent divorce of my parents, and other delights makes me cringe. What if that could be avoided, what if there is a much happier me which I have not discovered? what if I can be happy or even better, transcend happienss to a place where I can be contented no matter what, and, should I chose to, not have to experiene pain again, and live in some godworld realm. That I cannot imagine, but just the idea of total contentment sells me.

OK, so if I am practicing for total contentment, what does daily asana have to do wit hit? how does that help?

I realized while at the meditation retreat that the only way to transcend anything is through the body, because the body is my only link to the "world", and the only way to transcend the body is by meditation. How so? well, in meditation the first thing we do is breathe and focus on the breath, but this is just the beginning. This jsut stops the mind.

It turns out there is a lot more to meditation than just "being". The hidden secret is that then we begin to "scan" the body. by this what I mean is that we observe the body, from head to toe, as if we had a circle of awareness that goes from top to bottom and then from bottom to top, scanning any sensation thorughout the body. once a sensation is perceived, it is observed, not judged, not denied, not craved, simply observed, under careful intention not to create a new craving or aversion.

this is the secret that the Buddha brought to the world: SENSATION.

So, we keep observing sensations and also the areas that are "blind" until we can feel sensations in them.

Eventually, aparently, so I am told, the whole body has sensation and we can scan it up and down in one breath. The ring of awareness travels through the body up and down breathing in and out.

Whenever we encounter pain we observe it, how long will it last?, this too shall pass, after all. Whenever something gives us pleasure we observe it. How long will it last? this too shall pass, yes all passes.

Eventually, we "disolve" and realize how we are one...

This is a few steps forward than any meditation technique ever told me about.

There are more steps, the story keeps going.

I find that many meditation schools do not go that far, and keep it a secret in hopes of avoiding you and me to create any "attachements", or "cravings" to getting to the experience of dissolution.

I actually think that theory to be flawed. I believe in our times we need to know, and then keep on observing, knowing that the craving to get to the stage will appear, I mean, c'mon, sooner or later we are to find out.

So the secret is out.

Sing posts along the road that you are on the right track are:

1. You are able to scan your whole body with no blind areas, you experience sensation everywhere
2. you are detached and observing without creating any new aversions or cravings
3. you begin to experience some sidhis like hearing what others are thinking, YET you let it go, observe and keep going
4. Since your noticing avoids creating new patterns of aversion or craving, old patterns come to the surface, yet you continue to just observe them, hence cleaning them up
5. You are able to scan your whole body in one breath up and down
6. You ralize that the asana or yoga practice is there only to help you clean any knots you may have in your body, noticing sensations and giving you better posture and stamina for meditation sitting.
7. you dissolve

More to come... but please no craving
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Money Freedom

"There has to be a better way to make money than to have a "job"". This is what my friend Patricia declared at a brunch not so long ago, and then again at another brunch a few months ago, and then again at a brunch a few weeks ago. It rings true. The third time it finally dawned on me, there is no shame in wanting to create income by working efficiently, only when necessary, at things we like and with all our passion, AND being well remunerated for it.

My brother is one of those people who actually figured out a way. He now works from home, with his own schedule, doing what he loves to do (http://www.locucion.netfirms.com/), in the city where he loves to live (Buenos Aires), and lives happily ever after. However, as he transitioned into this new lifestyle he was filled with feelings of guilt over having so much time off, and sensations of worthlessness because it suddenly became easy and abundant to live well.

As I write this I sit on downtown NYC Starbucks. Because of the location, most of the people around me are working, perhaps taking a break from the cubicle or the office, but with their berries on hand, and making phone calls. I hear one guy in particular because his intention in speech is strong, his voice loud, and his reassurance to the other caller ever louder: "Then leave it that way, I don't want to change the schedule and then find out we did not met the target"... "So this will probably bring us to July with the right numbers". These are pieces of the puzzle of his speech.

I can't help but wonder how much of these conversations are really necessary, especially when I notice he repeats the same idea over and over with different words, same hurried intention. How much sense of importance and of being productive does he derive from this style of conversation, never mind what he is actually saying, but more likely from what he "appears" to be doing.

Yesterday afternoon while talking to an incredibly successfull entrepreneur he described to me how sometime ago, for a couple of months he went to different cities to attend meetings, and how none of those meetings ever resulted in anything productive.

How much of our time do we actually spend trying to seem productive? Caring for the internal voice that judges us much more harshly than any society or any "other people". How much time goes in justifying to ourselves that we are worth it?

And what would happen I wonder, if we all put it in our heads that we would be productive in a, well, "productive way", then have fun, do yoga, or the things that are meaningful to us, or even better, that we would only do the things that are meaningful to us, and that may include playing a little, or a lot, taking a nap, walking in nature, as well as building that new company.

Are we ready to accept that it is OK for us to do what we love and let money follow?
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Aparently I am soooo predictable

I had read about this, everyone says it happens to you at some point, and very predictably, it is happening to me... I am stuck in the practice, worst, I seem to be going back.

It all started when one day my back hurt a lot and I shared this with fellow yogini in the showers. She said, "wouldn't that be a "sign:"? "would your body be trying to tell you something"?....

That is MY vocabulary, so I admited, yes, maybe my body is trying to tell me something, consequently, no more drop backs. I talked to John and he told me to take it easier for a while.

So there I am, doing primary series as if I had joined yesterday, today John even told me to not roll on the floor in garba pindasana... so what is next? I dont even want to know...

Oh well, here is to surrendering.

After all, like BF wisely pointed out, when things were solid in all other areas in my life then practice was advancing, now that my life has changed 180 degrees (I would say 360 but my brother corrected me the other day mentioning that this would bring me to the exact same location), I guess practice has a chance to rest...

Loving suspension points today...

just like my practice, very ...

Namaste
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Vipassana Meditation....

My experience on day 9...

Ok, this meditation and truth and all is very nice and dandy, but the real pressing question in my mind is: where is the door? I want to go home!

That did not go very well with Anita, the group "manager" for the women's, what? "Warden", of the Vipassana retreat meditation I amattending in Illinois. I was shown the room where they keep thechains, and even the isolation room... "You don't want to make ascene" she whispered in my ear with a blissfully threatening melody. In case you are wondering, this is just kidding, there are no isolation rooms, or at least not designated as such.

Today is day nine, and I am probably just feeling old bubbles of conditioned behavior as they come up to the surface, the deep mind operation is removing the old dirty puss.

All this talk is, of course, making me sick, my mind is rebeling at the speed of light and the prospect of kissing my boyfriend in NY and then having a real dinner is way too overpowering, just like thet raitor actor-wanna-be in the Movie "The Matrix"says at the point of full betrayal: "give me the juicy stake".
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