Backbending again

As my life completely changed in the past 5 months, so did my practice. I have not been able to drop back, until yesterday.

Suddenly I feel a new surge of energy and I am grateful for it.

Constanza, who is the new official teacher, together with Arturo at yogasutra, told me that since now I am doing pashasana I should dedicate more energy to the drop backs again. It felt right, and so I started again.

The back bends still hurt, and I still go to the floor to relax in pashtimotanasana in a fog of disorientation, but I have began to do something different. Before I start the back bending process I visualize the poses going slowly and well, in a controlled way, and flowing easily.

the interesting thing about visualizing first is that I can feel the resistance that my body puts into every move along the way BEFORE I go into the actual pose. It is true that the going up or drooping back may or may not hurt, but the sensation is never exactly what I am preconditioned to feel. It is always different.

Visualizing it going well helps me let go of my preconceived ideas that "it will hurt".

All in all it turns back bending into a fresh start. Just like my practice these days, and just like my life.
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John leaves YogaSutra

A few years ago the title was "Christopher leaves yogasutra", then came "Greg leaves yogasutra", today it is "John leaves yogasutra". Do we begin to see a pattern here?

What is it, I wonder, about yogasutra that within a span of 2 years changes Mysore morning teacher three times?

Will we ever find out?

All I know comes from rumours, what I hear from time to time, what is said in the bathrooms, what people guess, what people (like me) try to assume. Truth is who is to know the whole story?

John and Kimberly's intention when coming into yogasutra was clearly to get us students more in line with the "Orthodox" form of ashtanga (as Richard Freeman very funnily describes it). And they succeeded at that. I have to admit that we are all in great "Orthodox" shape.

But now comes the interruption again, we don't know who is to succeed John, and frankly sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed by the constant change and dealing with the new ways of every teacher.

I am not complaining, to me ashtanga is an adventure, and even though every new teacher coming on board tells me something completely different about how to drop back, I am sure that one day I will be able to do it.

I wonder where will I practice.
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Why Asana?

I continue on the quest to answer to myself, why asana? if the final purpose and what really can take us into liberation is meditation, then why bother? And also, it kind of hurts.

Here are some insights I have been gathering while talking to yoga teachers, fellow students and friends in general.

We do asanas to:

1. clear the signals around the body (nadis), help in the "flow", de-block
2. purify the body
   
3. Learn to breath throughout the uncomfortable situations, which in turn would make meditation easier
4. go beyond our limitations
5. realize that the mind plays tricks on us. This is especially true as the body begins to open, and we suddenly feel like we dont want to, or worst, dont need to practice anymore
6. Look good, feel good, clear the body of diseases
7. improve posture
8. build stamina
   
9. as a metaphore for life, the way we deal with the poses on the mat is usually surprisingly similar to how we deal life situations

Seen in this light, I understand that they are an aid to meditation, a preparation, for the actual practice that can take us further into the realms of enlightment.
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Broken

I can't finish, I can't do garba pindasana, I can't even do mari - d for Ganensh's sake!!!

I am hoping to convince myself that it is a "stage", something that "will pass and will take me deeper", that this is "the dark before the light"

On the other hand, personal life has never felt better.

Interesting.
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