Money is good

In the NY winter of 2008 I lodged with a very colorful middle aged English man, he was one of the three roommates I had in Mysore.  One night the conversation ranged from the Indian gods to money, and during the course of it we realized we had different points of view.  I believe money to be a blessing, he thought of it as just a “door opener”, and it that sense we could probably had agreed, but I could see that behind the aggravated and confrontational tone of his voice resided some real anger.

A lot of people still seem to think that money is bad, or rather, that rich people are bad.  There is a certain pleasure derived from hating the rich, but I prefer to follow the Hawaiian saying “bless that which you want”, and bless wealth, moreover, respect it as a powerful energy, as a synonym of freedom.

Reading Maximum City: Bombay Lost and Found this morning, I come across the author saying the following when referring to the wealthy in Bombay:

“...But it is also these rich who create wealth, who create the conditions that will allow the mother on the streets to find a home for their children.  They must be allowed their penthouses, their brandy, so the poor may be allowed their simple clear room."

The way I translate it to countries that have wealth, is in my noticing, especially in the last couple of days,  that there is a breed of people out there saying that money should be shared by all, distributed fairly.  Now I agree that laws should be ready and in place so that opportunities are equal, but the socialism idea, really?

I read on the internet about a professor who tried an experiment with his students on a semester, he told them that they would be graded on an “average” of all the grades from everyone.  Before you tell me, I know this did not actually happen, it was just written by someone as an exercise to explain why “grade socialism” would not work, but if you are interested in how the story goes, well, if you know money or a grade is coming anyway, why bother? Why innovate? Why try something new? Why ever study?

In my visualizations for my next trip to India, I have been looking at the Indian railroads, specifically the “sleeper” cars which I thought would provide you with a little bedroom are just bunk bed, sleeper car actually means a room shared by 6 people in bunker beds....   If you want a real sleeper car you need to go in the luxury trains, “The Indian Maharaja”, “The Fairy Queen”, The Royal Rajashtan on Wheels”, names which somehow give me a clue as to their origins.

If it was not for wealth, I wonder if we could even go to India these days, if people did not venture into new things with the promise of money and yes, following their hearts too, would we even have airplanes? 

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Its my birthday so the snow can only be in my mind

I decided to rough it out and walk into the snow to get to the shala and practice on my birthday.  After all, what you do in this day sets the tone for the year ahead, you don't want to be careless on an important occasion like this.  Then I got downstairs, I had never seen anything like it,  two feet of snow in front of the NY Stock Exchange, really?  It's New York, you think it would have been cleared, like, "pronto".

Picture (by BF) is circa 6 AM, you can barely see the snow but believe me it was coming. still is.

It was no use to keep pushing, I knew what that would mean for the subways (slow, or non-existent), and forgedabout taxis. I am having a good day, so to the snow thing, I am replying "what snow"?

I turned around and practiced in the basement of the building.  In honor of Iyengar I did plenty of backbends and dropbacks with the wall,  ohhhh! the advantages of not being in the shala, the luxury of using the wall without having to ask for permission.

Apparently the guru does an unthinkable amount on his birthdays,  once I heard he does as many as the years he turns,  here I read that on his 80th he did 108

I wanted to see if doing many, many drop backs would loosen things up, and it did.

Fun
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It seems I want to go somewhere

Iose's wise words from yesterday: "there is so much in the primary series". I have not been able to stop thinking about it.  It resonates in a profound way.

For years I have been so kin on progressing, moving on, being more flexible, more flashy, showing off, etc.  Sometimes I feel I tame the beast (ego), but is illusion.

I have not surrendered at all. I thought I did, but I still crave the progress, the idea that I am going somewhere.  Where?

So today I practiced with this in mind, that there really is so much to learn on the primary series.  The samyama worked, it gave me a new appreciation for the series. I took my time and practice lasted two hours without my noticing.  Without forcing, just being with each pose I kind of found some enjoyment in it all, a certain level of poetry even in how the muscles relax, the tendons give way, the breath helps the flow, the movements can become graceful, and the exertions be tamed by deeper and slower intake of air.

Now I am not to get cocky on this either, one thing I know from yoga is that when things are rosy there is probably hell right around the corner, and is part of the story, there is really so much to learn.

Note on the new mat, I loved it.  My jump throughs delicious, what a lovely feeling to slide, to feel the flow of the legs as they go back rather than getting stuck on the rubber.
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eQua Towel

So, I got one of these. Not so much because I sweat, since I don't really, especially in the winter, but rather because  the "mysore mat" might help with my jump throughs...  I remember using one in Thailand and it had that effect.

This was my first time in ages in a yoga store, and I was very careful to look for the mat in and out after what happened to Grimmly which was, mind you, later corrected.  Even as I opened it at home I was a little apprehensive that it might be pink inside...


I am not sure what is up with the pink thing, I also wanted to buy an eye cover and they only had them in this color... oh well, that may be a purchase for another day.

The nice thing about buying new stuff is that it provides lots of vrittis that give me the impulse to practice.  We shall see how it goes...
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Freedom Tower

Last night I dreamed that I was on the lobby of two very tall towers and they were about to collapse. I saw things begin  to fall from the top, and it was mostly confetti.

I knew that the buildings were collapsing and went into total "flight" mode, but with a lot of discernment, I checked the exits, made sure my departure would be prompt, no time wasted, and I run.  For a moment I feared that the emergency doors would not open, but they did, and I run outside feeling the collapse behind me.   Then I woke up with my heart speeding, palms sweating.

I live very close to ground 0, where the Freedom tower is growing steady and surely, albeit slowly.  They are to be ready in 2013.

During the weekend I noticed that the Freedom tower has about 5 floors now, and the foundation for the building that is to go in the corner on the south east is already showing its first floor.

Every time I walk pass it I get reminded of the phoenix, rising from the ashes.  I feel kind of lucky to be a part of it, and I wonder what it means for the people of New York, to have a chance to be re-defined.

And what about the name, "Freedom Tower".  this is how Wiki defines freedom: is the human value, or situation, to act according to one's will without being held up by the power of other. It's like a siddhi,   I like it.
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Let's get photographic

Talking to BF yesterday over brunch I got all excited about an idea he had.  I was telling him how I would like to take photographs all over NY City while doing yoga, and he said that maybe I could ask you guys if you have pictures of yourself in NY City or in other interesting places while in your favorite or not so favorite asanas, and by interesting I mean from temples to garbage dumps...  so if you are up for it join me.

I have pictures in asanas in many places of the world except, oh dear, where I live!!! and India, how is that possible?  Here is me in Thailand for example, while at YTT (teacher training).

That was Janu C a year ago, I am happy to know that progress does happen!  I now go all the way to the knee with my nose and my knee allows me to twist the foot much deeper,  what a difference a year can make!

BF also suggested doing poses in the snow the next time we have one,  I am not looking forward to that one so much, although it could be done.

Can pictures be posted in comments?   Do you have pictures to show?  would love to see
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A mind boggling definition of meditation by Brunton

On a Virgina Woolf  type of expedition I went to the 42nd street Public Library on Wednesday.  This is the library where you can only borrow books to read there, and you actually wait in line and fill up a form, with pen and paper, no computers. Everything is so old fashion it is easy to believe your are in circa 1910.

The building is so absolutely impressive; The enormous reading room is as large as a football field, with way too high ceilings and beautiful paintings. It almost transports you to another time, when reading was a pleasure to be staged, and maybe even worshiped.

I was in search of Paul Brunton's books, specifically "A Search in Secret India" which has yet to be available in kindle version.  The book arrived after a 30 minute wait, in a special carton box labeled for special protection. It was in very poor condition, with most pages ripped and comments written alongside the margins by someone who judged every other paragraph with words like:  "delusion"," not true", and so on.

Brunton was a British philosopher, mystic, and traveler who left his westerner life to live among yogis, mystics, and holy men.

Unfortunately I did not have the luxury of a full library afternoon, and I was a bit disapointed in the condition of the book.  Later on still curious about Brunton's writting I downloaded some samples into the kindle, my favorite so far it "Meditation: The Notebooks of Paul Brunton, Volume 4".

The opening quotation is perhaps the most mind boggling definition of meditation I ever heard, yet it leaves me wondering

"Meditation is really the mind thinking of the Soul, just as Activity is the mind thinking of the World"

Maybe what produces a clash in me is that it is using the concept of the mind "thinking" to define meditation, even if such thinking was to be directed at the soul.  I thought meditation was not about thinking at all.  Yet, somehow, viscerally it resonates.

Why is that?
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Body is not stiff. Mind is stiff

Wednesday practice has a lot of vrittis (distractions)  for me, they go something like this:  "I'm tired", "everything hurts", "it is the fourth day, of course!"...

Half way through practice I arrived at kurmasana (picture (from sevayoga.net) right)  and the fluctuations of the mind were not helping.  Right about then I looked at the line of pictures of Patthabi Jois over the pink wall, searching for inspiration, and  heard what he said  "Body is not stiff, mind is stiff".

So I did the UNTHINKABLE. I actually went into kurmasana AGAIN.  I have never EVER done anything like this, ending the pose being something of a big relief and almost victory, but today, following Patthabi's lead, I just stood up, breathed deeply, quieted the mind as much as I could and went into it again.

Iose  must have taken pity on me because he came over and adjusted me, and let me breath for a long time before putting the hands together.  I went deep into it, not as deep as on a Monday but at least I feel like I actually did it.

Today I am very much with this "mind is stiff" concept, and I proved it with the body, so I guess I learned it a "visceral level". Once the mind was out of the picture, breathed again, and stayed present, I allowed it to happen, even on a "stiff" day.

Mind, oh mind, you are so tricky.
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Martha and Ashtanga and to do yoga you need COURAGE, yes...

A few weeks ago, yoga teachers were giving some very basic pointers about Ashtanga and Vinyasa at the Martha Stewart show. It is television time so it is very compressed and short...  it  reminds me of a story of Swami Satchitananda I saw in a video of him.  Apparently when he first came to America he was usually surrounded by groups of people smoking and drinking and they would ask him "tell us about yoga"... he did not know where to begin...  can you imagine?

It is better this time, at least Martha is not smoking or drinking but just taking a break from baking and gardening,  things are getting better after all!

I appreciate Eddie's advice for beginners saying that nowhere does it say that flexibility is a requirement for yoga, rather patience, and courage.  Right on.

 here it is in case you are curious.
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Seducing the forces of matter and spirit

Just finished reading Tantra Unveiled, Seducing the forces of Matter and Spirit.

What stories!  Tantra is a lot more related to alchemy than to sex as we in the west so wrongly try to reduce. It is a science of working with the uncovered, hidden forces of the universe, and not getting caught in the ego trip of having power.

The book is beyond interesting,  it talks about the different types of tantra, the right and left path (the latter includes sex and eating meat etc), it tells fantastic stories of advanced practitioners, and even gives a map of the most interesting tantric temples in India.

... Tantric sites -such as Kamakya in Assam; the Chhinnamasta shrine in Bihar; Datia, Khajuraho and Ujjain in Central India; Pashupati Nath in Nepal .... are the living abodes of tantra.  In these places ... it is still possible to meet adepts in whose presence we can experience the full spectrum of tantra... curing psichosomatic diseases, producing fire from the mouth... cultivating power of memory"

It mentions "acclaimed tantric texts" which are a precondition before visiting places like these so one knows what exactly to look for.  Among the recommended: Netra Tantra, Swacchanda Tantra, Tantraloka, Rudra Yamala.

It entices me to visit the Kala Bhairava temple for exmple because it will:

"...change your belief system if you happen to witness the statue of Kala Bhairava apparently drinking liquor... after seeing this your curiosity regarding left-hand tantra will turn into a burning desire to practice and unveil the mystery for yourself"

As with all books of this nature, he makes sure to point out that many people speak about tantra but never mention what they actually practice.

I particularly liked the explanation on the foundation of every practice on faith to the Divine Mother, the chpater on Ganesh and the offered practice at the end to calm phobias and soothe disturbed sleep. However before you rush into reading, know that it is a rather involved ritual, that includes singing the gayatri mantra 1200 times.
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Thinking about taking an Iyengar class

So I went to the Iyengar site in NY to see what types of classes they have.  There are four levels and they are mostly  ranked by how long you can hold sirsasana (head stand).  If you can hold it for 5 minutes, you are level III, if you can hold it for 10, you are level IV.

So how long exactly can I hold it?  I wondered.

I was under the impression that 10 minutes would be no issue... well, it was.  I can barely hold it for four minutes it turns out.  I will have to work it up to 5! if I want to take the level III one.

Iyengar is pretty specific about holding the headstand for a looooooong time, and I have noticed that we ashtangis tend to dismiss the enjoyment of being upside down for long.  I have noticed in my shala only a few adventurers who stay there for a while.  I have to admit sometimes I try, but sometimes my head hurts.

During head stands, as a health benefit, the lymphatic system is aided by the reverse gravity, but this does not really kick in (or so a teacher told me), until minute number 5!

How long do you hold sirsasana for?  and I mean before you get the legs down at the 45 degree angle (as in picture which, by the way, is me... only you cannot ever find my head under that red sweater)
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Panic Attack

Something opened.

A few days ago I had a rather substantial panic attack.  I do not want to go into the details of it, suffice to say that the emotions completely overtook my rational side, and I acted compulsively, creating delays and change in plans for others due to my actions.  I am still not fully able to reconcile what exactly happened. I suppose it might be due to me being human.

One thing I do know is that all of this came about after a one and a half hour intense meditation session, but I am not even sure if I can truly attribute it to that, is just that I am associating it with the last panic attack I had, which also happened after intense meditation.

In the Fall of 2006 I decided to try a cabin retreat at the Shambhala in Vermont, where you can retreat to meditate in the woods in a cabin that has no electricity or running water.  It is very basic, and I, admittedly was not ready for that.  Nevertheless my strong ego wanted to try it, I fancied myself an advanced mediator.  Little did I know that just before leaving my ego with my assistance would manage to create some trouble at work and that sent my mind into turbulence...

After about 4 of the 5 days I calmed down enough to actually sit and meditate, and during this period I had a realization, I suddenly noticed that "I do not exist".  It was a glimpse, but it was enough to make me panic.

I wanted to leave the cabin and go be with people, which is something I should have not stopped doing...  the advisor suggested I stay until the end of my time with the group mediators, which I did.  I also offered to volunteer in the kitchen in between sessions, just not to be alone.

This time is somewhat similar only instead of having a glimpse at my non-existence I just had a really close encounter with my mind.  I was watching it closely.

I am now of course afraid to hit the cushion, BUT one thing that came out of all of this that has been great is practice.  Asana practice.

All of a sudden it feels more open.  I am not sure what happened but it is helping the poses.  So I guess the attack is welcome after all, as some sort of break-through rite of passage.
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Sharath Backbending

I keep watching him.

Inspired by the video this morning I tried to see what it would feel like to "rest" in between Urdhva Dhanurasanas by placing the FACE on the floor.  Intense.

I am quite happy to report that my back bends are feeling better, something seems to be opening, and I believe it is all related to some sort of psychological break through happening, which I cant even talk about since I do not even comprehend yet.

Anyway, here is the master, enjoy.


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And my legs go behind my neck

On snowy Wednesday we had a new teacher helping out, a woman that I had not seen before.

She came to me in kurmasana and simply put my legs behind my neck, one first, then the next one. She did something in the rotation of the legs before she placed them that I had not felt before, nor can I describe. All I know is that it hurt but not in a freaking out way, and both my feet were crossed all the way by the end of it.

The photo comes from the amazing website of German teacher Arjuna.

She also adjusted me in Badha Konasana in a way I never felt  before. First she grabed my hips with her knees, grounding me, and then she pushed down my tights and helped me forward.  Wow! it opened.

I felt the pain rush trough my inner legs, but it was the good kind, I realize how much further I can go.

Getting a good adjustment feels so good.
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The Miracle Behind Finding my Boyfriend

I met my man at 41.  When I told this to a high school friend of mine I knew what he was thinking so I just said it out loud:  "it is a miracle".

He went on to tell me how it is more likely that a woman will be a victim of a terrorist attack than get married after 35. I nodded.  I am not kidding myself, I know it is something special.

I remember myself at age 39 in India visiting a tailor shop of a man and wife. I saw them so happily married, working as a team, and felt inspired to ask if they knew of a mantra I could use to attract love into my life.

In Indian society, if a woman is over 30 and does not have four or five children she is looked upon as a sad, sorry story. OK, I exaggerate, perhaps it is not four or five, but at least one.  Can you imagine what this man may have thought?  I did not want to.

Sita and Rama

He first asked me if I was serious. Requesting a mantra is no joke, it is a serious act of faith that deserves proper entry check-points.  I started to cry, don't know why, maybe because I really did want it.  He sent me to the back room of the tiny shop, offered me a cup of chai, and gave me the mantra of Sita and Rama, said I should sing it 108 times a day.  I did for a while.

The real miracle through the prayers was not so much having the universe rearrange itself in such a way that I would meet him, which was awesome in its own right, but rather:

• Having the eyes to recognize him when he finally came
• Realizing that men have feelings too, (this one was particularly hard) 
• Realizing the divinity in me, as a woman, noticing that I am indeed, very worth it
• Knowing that I could speak the truth, play no games
• Understanding that men can be trusted
• Realizing that sharing life with another human being is the fastest way to grow spiritually
• Really noticing that love is never about having him do what I want him to do, but rather to enable him to be the best person he can be (and expect the same)
• Learning to both give AND receive
• Knowing that it might not all be a bed of roses and be ready to show up no matter what

The real miracle happened in my own shift in perception.  It was the new way of seeing things that gave love the possibility to come into my life.

My own change in consciousness opened up the possibility of letting another being into the shadow sides that I don't like to show in public, into seeing me as I am, into sharing what I am feeling even when it does not look pretty.

Also, I never think of statistics other than as "noticeable and colorful details", they are not real, they are numbers which, when it comes to human interactions, and a constantly expanding universe, mean nothing.


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Private Issues

This post has been removed due to delicate private issues.

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Breathe deeply, really?

A long time ago in my very first yoga class, I remember a teacher asking me to breathe deeply.  I also distinctively remember looking around, and checking "others" to see if I was doing it right.  Was I breathing deeply enough? Then over years and years of practice I began to get in touch with my own breathing and I noticed that breathing "normally", but "steady" is enough.

I find the term "deeply" utterly confusing, it leads people to hyperventilate or make loud noises (sometimes to please the teacher) or worst of all, force the breath.  I find "breathe normally"  much more accurate.

Anything that implies or suggests forcing the extension of the breath is unnatural to me. Iyengar agrees with me (OK maybe more like me with him). Consider this rephrasing of what he said, from Yoga Journal:

"... Iyengar says that the breath must "be enticed or cajoled, like catching a horse in a field, not by chasing after it, but by standing still with an apple in one's hand. Nothing can be forced; receptivity is everything.""

Pranayama is the practice of breath extension, but we never ever force anything, we simply practice, practice, practice and extend the retention, inhalation and exhalation for one count at the time until one day we are able retain the breath for a long period of time, but NEVER forcing anything.  That is why it takes years.

In Ashtanga, where we do pranayama in every practice (we breathe with the ujjai breath (the one that makes a sound as if we were Dark Vader by contracting the glottis), we are working at having a very steady breathing.  It even surprises me when I hear people overdoing the sound.

My teacher once told me "never compromise the breath".  By this now I understand he meant slow down if you need to, but always go with the breath, respect it.  

So breathing normally, at a pace that allows the entering and exiting of asanas in a "flow" is how I like to think of it.  Respecting this force to be tamed!: the breath.

Do you see an issue with teachers asking students to "breathe deeply"?

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Will I remember?

Between all the traveling in the past few days and now ladies holidays, I have not practiced since Friday.  I wonder if I will remember the series... course I will, I am just making conversation.

I was supposed to get back home on Sunday but the plane decided to land in North Carolina instead of La Guardia because they, get this, "lost" a barrel of water within the plane.  They did not know where the water had gone.   I felt like I was in an episode of Lost.  How can you lose water?  anyway, I did not like it and decided to drive instead... it was quite a pretty drive in North Carolina and Virginia, states I had not been in... then the blizzard near Washington... interesting.

I am grateful they were thinking of security first (they feared the unallocated water could freeze and cause trouble in cold weather landing).

I also enjoyed the long drive.

Anyway, happy to be home, re-established, and looking forward to some yoga.
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Blogger now has PAGES!!!

Could not resist sharing this with all of you bloggers out there who use, well, blogger... now you can add a page, (or more) to your blog, just like the wordpress people can...

Go to your drafts and instead of creating a new post create a new page (by clicking Edit Pages).  Cool ha?

I started blogging a long time ago with "blogspot" if you remember that far back, and when I was travellingyogi  (.blogspot), and then moved to blogger because here I could add videos, however I always missed the qualities of wordpress, but it seems they are now catching up.  Great news.
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I was born in a small town

"I was born in a small town" is what the boss was belching in the gym of the beautiful Orlando Convention hotel when I came in this morning, circa 6 AM, to practice.... Oh no!  practice with music.

A lot of people swear by it,  I suppose they like the kirtan version, but pop music, with lyrics, to yoga?  it was horrible.

First of all, I could not really chant,  Sanskrit has a way of not mixing with electric guitars.  Then as soon as I started to salute the sun I was considering if Buenos Aires is a small town,  you know? as in trying to make the song about me.

I guess Buenos Aires is a small town in the wide network of things, a lot of people don't quite know that it is in Argentina or that we speak Spanish, Brasil being the point of reference for South America.   The funniest thing I ever heard about my small town was a coworker when I was waiting tables in Soho back in 95, she thought it was an island in Spain.

Anyhow, I went through a whole lot of songs and a whole lot of emotions and ideas that got mixed into the practice.  Not to mention people next to me coming and going, using weights, or those huge balls they use for what exactly? abs? really? I don't know.

I feel so far away from my gym years.  I remember how I always wanted to find an exercise routine that would center me, rather than get me excited, as in a gym with music telling me that "All that she wants is another baby", or that "I am one of a kind".  Thank you God for sending yoga my way!

The one good thing that came out of it was dristi.  I figured with so much stimulus if I was to suddenly start looking out I would lose it completely,  so I kept the focus in and it is great to see that I actually CAN do it.

I am so lucky to have yoga in my life.
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Great divination site

In my surfing years I have come across many "divination" sites.  I am very interested in the occult, it fascinates me.

The best site I have found so far is this one, specifically the Tarot oracle.  It seems to be very accurate in all responses.  The logging and password are "tarot" and "sun"

Have you come across any interesting sites like this one?

Let me know how you do if you ask a question
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Two ways in which I got sick from yoga

Not an easy post for me to write. In the last two months I got sick through yoga twice, and as much as I love the practice I am realizing that there has to be a lot of wisdom built into what practices we do when, and where. The good thing that comes out of this, for me, is that now at least I can speak from "experience".

I am aware that practices have different effects on different people at different times, perhaps all I am doing is giving "heads up"

The two practices I am referring to are the oil bath, and the hot bath.

I attempted to take a hot bath before practice in December and then went to the shala. It was a very cold day, and I was very VERY warm, double hat, globes, pants, leg warmers, everything, yet I got a cold, and a bad one, that lasted the whole 7 days.

However, bathing after practice has never harmed me in any season.

The other one was just a few weeks ago when I attempted the oil bath, especially the "head" part. Again, about 6 hours later I had to go to the street, and even though I was dressed very warm, again, I went down with a cold.

I suppose what I am learning is that winter is a very special season, one in which, especially at my latitude where it gets really cold, I need to take extra precautions.

I am also happy to get to know the internal guru, giving me guideance for the future.  Now I know.
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Paranormal Activity

On the night of January 22nd I went to sleep early, like any other night... however, at around 2 AM, the big Chinese chimes by the front door started to sound, by themselves. At first I thought it could be a ghost or something built by my subconscious out of that overdose of Lost episodes, but when I woke up fully I realized there was no ghost, the chimes were just dancing, as if breathing, by themselves...

Then they stopped for a while when I came to close to them with the keen attention of a detective. But a few minutes later they started again... we checked online to see weather a small earthquake had happened in NY that night but no. I also checke to see if we had strong winds that potentially could make the building move a little, but nothing!.

The chimes stopped with the dawn and they never did this again... it was only that night.

I took a video of them because I had a feeling it might be difficult to believe. I did not touch or blow on the chimes as the video took place, they were just doing their thing.

Spooky ha? Have YOU experienced anything like it?

Paranormal activity from ClaudiaYoga on Vimeo.

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