I Could Not Resist Reading Her Secret Journal

Browsing the pages of "Carried by a Promise" is like reading a secret journal you found in a woman's bedroom and knew you were not supposed to open, yet could not resist. Once you open it you have to keep turning the pages.

It is written in journal form with dates (or seasons), and descriptions of what was happening to Mary-Ann around each of those journal-entry times. It covers the period from the Spring of 1977 to December of 1995.

Mary-Ann, now Swami Radhananda

In very plain language it recounts her going from a being regular visitor at the Yasodhara Ashram in British Columbia, to the strengthening of her relationship to Swami Radha -a woman who left everything behind in her 40's after having a vision in a meditation from Sivananda in which he told her to come to him in India,  and ended up creating the ashram), continuing through the deterioration of her marriage, the growth of her children and eventually all the way to becoming the president of the Ashram.  A position she still holds.

The Temple of Light at the Ashram, took over 20 years
to become a reality but it was truly built on faith!

Going through her days, Mary-Ann asks lots of questions of herself and we find ourselves wondering what we would do too. How would we pay the mortgage with the alcoholic husband burning the sofa? How could we communicate peacefully with a man that does not want to hear it, yet coming from spirit?

Radha communicates to Mary-Ann through letters as she is trying to put her affairs in order and to have more time to dedicate to spiritual pursuits, and she is always elated to receive them. One time the Guru sends her a section of one of her new books in which she writes:

"The major problem facing woman is to develop her emotional independence. She can only do this by recognizing her Divine nature"

She feels encouraged by this, she says: "her response confirms that she knows me and that her help does not stop when the workshops end".  The 'encouragement' she talks about has to do with how it was imperative for Mary Ann to clarify why she in the situation she was in and to empower herself.

We get glimpses of the work her guru did with others, the tones and shades of her effectiveness, after one of these workshops she writes:

"In the workshop I listen and concentrate. What are people really saying? I watch how Mataji (how she called Swami Radha) gets to the underlying issues, how she is gentle with some, and cuts through and is very direct with others"

I, myself experienced something very similar when in 2003 I ventured into British Columbia to the Ashram and took a five day workshop called "Polishing the Diamond" (the diamond being the light inside of all of us).  It was a feast to see Marie Anne, by then Swami Radhananda (and the author of the book), in full power , talking to different people in very different ways.

How could she not? After all, we all did have very different issues, for example: A woman had lost her business, another one was considering separating from her husband for a 3 month yoga development course, another one was facing death, I was facing the anxiety of being in my mid-30s and not having children...  Different reactions and tones of voices were needed indeed!

Mary-Ann practices the "Divine Light Invocation" constantly, as do all people in the ashram and puts all her issues "in the light".  Throughout her book we see her learn to live on faith, and how destiny re-arranges itself to bring about the spiritual transformation she yearns for.

She faces tremendous difficulties when she is finally ready (children grown up, divorce in place, house sold, etc.) to come live in the ashram and it becomes clear that Swami Radha is choosing her to be the one at the helm, for example:

• A current interim-Swami director who refuses to speak with her and withholds information
• A group of males who repeat what she says during a meeting and take credit for it without even noticing it was her idea
• People in administration levels not wanting to cooperate with her knowing anything about how things work
• Having to discipline a swami who had entered into romantic relationships with a student

And more.  

Instead of "running to mummy" as I feel I would have, she chooses instead to put all issues in the light and give them time.  Having been able to eally listen to Radha and really learn from her she understand that people grow at their own pace, that they need time to process, they need straight talk, yes, but they also need space.  

She also makes it a point of showing how efficiently she used her one-on-one time with Radha.

The book shows the tremendous spiritual transformation that a life dedicated to yoga brings about.

I could relate to it a LOT MORE than, say, Autobiography of a Yogi, which, although a good read, provided zero direct connection or elements where I could relate directly. 

Mary-Ann, now Swami Radhananda, is a woman living in our times, in North America, with issues that we know deeply and that affect us all.

Her candid telling helps us connect with her personal story, relate intimately, and be guided, almost in an invisible form towards transformation, page by page.

May the message of the Light that Radhananda spreads through her personal account reach all that are ready to hear!

While I was visiting the Yasodhara Ashram in British Columbia I also learned the Divine Mother Prayer which you can read and see a video of here.