Asana Meltdown

"Time for me to go to bed" I said at 7:34 AM. Yes, AM. Are you sure Honey? said James. How about we try something different?

He then sat on the floor in the small space in front of the coffee table and did something that resembled paschimotanasana.  He did not say anything, just attempted it.  I got up from the sofa, slowly, sluggishly, and sat on the floor.  Tried dandasana first, my eyes locked on James, scared to what may come, then on the exhale walked the hands and tried to go down.

That is when it hit me and I started to cry uncontrollably.  That was my paschimottanasana of three years ago maybe four, barely could touch the toes, three breaths and I was out.

Paschimotanasana in healthier times, before Lyme desease

He did not pay attention to the tears at all but rather pointed out that I was touching my toes and my back was relatively straight, or rather, not so rounded. From his perspective the asana was glorious.

He then put his knee on janu sirsasana (still sited on the floor, bending the right knee, feet to the inner opposite tight. And we tried the forward bend again.  Pain shot throughout every single muscle on the back of the extended leg. I had to re-arrange the position of my sit bone on the left to ensure it was in touch with the floor.  Three breaths and out.  "Three breaths is good" he said.  Then we did the other side.

Janu a few months ago, yes this one is B, not A, but you get the point

He wanted to go into bada konasana, gestured into it, but at that point I felt like checking Marichasana A. The bind was still there, this one was not so painful.  He did it with me.  Just like in that You-Tube commercial where a baby is leading a yoga class, we just looked at each other and tried poses.

Mari A

There was no judgement, no dialogue, no forcing, no striving, just, well, just what it was.



Then badha knoasna, trianga muka, and upavista konasana.  You don't want to know. I did not, I was just looking at him, following him. Feeling the roughness of my breath, the difficulty of my heart, and plain and simple feeling sorry for myself many a times.

Anything else he said? noticing my fatigue.

I saw myself going into baby back bend and stayed there for 5 breaths.  It felt good, not really good, but good. He did it with me, we were playing "you do one and I copy - and then we reverse".  He directed me to one more paschimotanasana after the back bend, of course. I complied.

I thanked him with tears flowing from I don't know where, possible an inexhaustible source that was half upset at having lost so much and deeply grateful that he had taken me here, to the first attempt.