Lose both the anger that remembering past moments brings, (those things you should have said or done) and release the fears and anxiety that imagining any future tends to create and suddenly you find yourself now. No clock. A state of yoga.
No time, only that vastness of this, the window filled with the slow moving green leaves from the trees around, the sound of distant chirping birds, the contact of my legs against the chair, the way the breathing pulses my belly into waves.
And then I notice it. Static in the background. Hm. Lurking fears attempting to pull me away from now. Underlying currents of unidentified and unnecessary emotional old stuff. Four of them stand up:
I Am Fed Up
Whenever I feel irritable I take a moment to look inside and surprisingly enough, most of the time this feeling of: "being fed-up" has something to do with it. Seems ingrained.
Check for a moment. Do you have it? Is there a voice that might unconsciously be pulling you in that direction? When I did that small checking exercise I was dismayed at the notice. How long had it been there? Possibly forever.
The question is, do I need to give it up? Because it feels pretty self-righteous, almost comfortable, conventional, great for elevator talk.
It manifests in thoughts of this sort: How dare she do this? They did that! He wants what? I should have said this! - It often goes hand in hand with replays of movie-style scenes in which we came out on top, making another person wrong, helping our ego be self justified and a winner. Lies.
This thinking is simply unconsciousness taking over, and even pushing me to pursue action to stop the "that's enough". However, any action coming from unconsciousness is pretty much guaranteed to generate more suffering.
Right now all that remains is the feeling. If I get rid of the words around it I can actually just feel what is, give it space, room for it to BE, no judgement. End of story. This too shall pass.
Once the fed-up underlying stream dissolves, as it sure does once attention is shined upon it, decisions to move on or take action, if necessary, will be clear, and powerful.
The Resistance
I can't really be here problem-less, this is not right, I should worry about certain things, it is unsafe not to plan. Could money run out? Could James leave? Could I get sick? Could I? Could, could, COULD!? HELP!
Unconscious.
Again.
Message to my brain: please go away for a little while. Come back when I need you to solve a math problem, or when I need to book plane tickets and count days in a calendar, or when I need to address something that is in the now, real.
In the meantime let me stay with the body and the emotions that it is feeling, it knows better, does not need language. Let me accept this moment as it is.
When I accept this as it is, then intelligence comes from a deeper place, and yes, it is safe to be here now. It is the safest place to be!
Yes. But.
Yes but if I am here now who will feed me? How will the rent be paid?
It will be paid from the now of that moment. It's in being present right now that I can be present in every now as they come up, and that is how I can act free of preconceived notions or future fears utilizing the most efficient use of every "now", which has no choice but to align me with life and bring me what I need. Including the rent.
If I worry I am aligning myself with identification with whatever my mind is throwing at me. I am her slave, not her master.
Coming from presence, all decisions will be done with intelligence because as I align myself with the only thing there is -NOW- I have access to the vastness of the silence, I open the door for new ideas to come in, I let higher intelligence in.
"The money will come from wherever it is at the moment" said a spiritual master to Deepak Chopra when he wanted to travel to India to deepen his medicine knowledge to include Eastern ways. Notice that the teacher said "at the moment". In this moment the rent is paid. In this moment I can be here.
If it is not, then I have a choice, first accept what is and be with what I am feeling, let the wording go, then be attentive for the right direction, the right answer, which has no choice but to show up. Then take action. That is what is meant by coming from "wisdom", it means we accept the situation and be present for it before we act.
Fear of Horrible Things
I grew up during a military dictatorship in Argentina out of which irrational fears were embedded in me at a young age. Unconscious forces run deep. Now-a-days the extreme fear is gone, perhaps out of it being old.
But now there is something even more sneaky: fear of the fear coming back.
If I stay in the present moment, (mind reasons) then the fear might re-appear. I fear the fear! WHAT? The first fear was one arrow. The second fear was another arrow. Unnecessary arrow. Two arrows can kill me!
To counterbalance I can however enjoy this moment, enjoy how it is right now fear-less. By this I am giving all of my attention to what is, to the peace around me. I am aligning myself with the frequency of life, and with what is. Fear dissolves.
-----
The mind will conjure the most extravagant things to take me away from the body sensations of what is happening right now. Flash cards of past memories, future flash cards of devastation, hunger, torture, and death. All in the name of saving itself, all in the name of continuing the "story" it is so proud to re-tell and that make up my personality.
The mind wants time to remember the past and project into a future of glory, to give me an identity and a reason to live for. It tells me: "this is who I am, what happened yesterday and what might happen tomorrow, never mind now". Mind does not want to be here, it has no purpose here.
But the brain is too small. Poor brain. It doesn't really know how small it is. It thinks it is my protector.
It is not.
I am the timeless, the eternal, that which was never born and never dies. I AM.
May we be observant today of those times in which unnecessary thinking takes over and takes us away from this moment.
No time, only that vastness of this, the window filled with the slow moving green leaves from the trees around, the sound of distant chirping birds, the contact of my legs against the chair, the way the breathing pulses my belly into waves.
And then I notice it. Static in the background. Hm. Lurking fears attempting to pull me away from now. Underlying currents of unidentified and unnecessary emotional old stuff. Four of them stand up:
 |
| Thinking will attempt every trick in the book to stop the dissolution of time. To keep us from the present. From what IS. |
Whenever I feel irritable I take a moment to look inside and surprisingly enough, most of the time this feeling of: "being fed-up" has something to do with it. Seems ingrained.
Check for a moment. Do you have it? Is there a voice that might unconsciously be pulling you in that direction? When I did that small checking exercise I was dismayed at the notice. How long had it been there? Possibly forever.
The question is, do I need to give it up? Because it feels pretty self-righteous, almost comfortable, conventional, great for elevator talk.
It manifests in thoughts of this sort: How dare she do this? They did that! He wants what? I should have said this! - It often goes hand in hand with replays of movie-style scenes in which we came out on top, making another person wrong, helping our ego be self justified and a winner. Lies.
This thinking is simply unconsciousness taking over, and even pushing me to pursue action to stop the "that's enough". However, any action coming from unconsciousness is pretty much guaranteed to generate more suffering.
Right now all that remains is the feeling. If I get rid of the words around it I can actually just feel what is, give it space, room for it to BE, no judgement. End of story. This too shall pass.
Once the fed-up underlying stream dissolves, as it sure does once attention is shined upon it, decisions to move on or take action, if necessary, will be clear, and powerful.
The Resistance
I can't really be here problem-less, this is not right, I should worry about certain things, it is unsafe not to plan. Could money run out? Could James leave? Could I get sick? Could I? Could, could, COULD!? HELP!
Unconscious.
Again.
Message to my brain: please go away for a little while. Come back when I need you to solve a math problem, or when I need to book plane tickets and count days in a calendar, or when I need to address something that is in the now, real.
In the meantime let me stay with the body and the emotions that it is feeling, it knows better, does not need language. Let me accept this moment as it is.
When I accept this as it is, then intelligence comes from a deeper place, and yes, it is safe to be here now. It is the safest place to be!
Yes. But.
Yes but if I am here now who will feed me? How will the rent be paid?
It will be paid from the now of that moment. It's in being present right now that I can be present in every now as they come up, and that is how I can act free of preconceived notions or future fears utilizing the most efficient use of every "now", which has no choice but to align me with life and bring me what I need. Including the rent.
If I worry I am aligning myself with identification with whatever my mind is throwing at me. I am her slave, not her master.
Coming from presence, all decisions will be done with intelligence because as I align myself with the only thing there is -NOW- I have access to the vastness of the silence, I open the door for new ideas to come in, I let higher intelligence in.
 |
| Stillness, silence, the answer comes |
If it is not, then I have a choice, first accept what is and be with what I am feeling, let the wording go, then be attentive for the right direction, the right answer, which has no choice but to show up. Then take action. That is what is meant by coming from "wisdom", it means we accept the situation and be present for it before we act.
Fear of Horrible Things
I grew up during a military dictatorship in Argentina out of which irrational fears were embedded in me at a young age. Unconscious forces run deep. Now-a-days the extreme fear is gone, perhaps out of it being old.
But now there is something even more sneaky: fear of the fear coming back.
If I stay in the present moment, (mind reasons) then the fear might re-appear. I fear the fear! WHAT? The first fear was one arrow. The second fear was another arrow. Unnecessary arrow. Two arrows can kill me!
To counterbalance I can however enjoy this moment, enjoy how it is right now fear-less. By this I am giving all of my attention to what is, to the peace around me. I am aligning myself with the frequency of life, and with what is. Fear dissolves.
-----
The mind will conjure the most extravagant things to take me away from the body sensations of what is happening right now. Flash cards of past memories, future flash cards of devastation, hunger, torture, and death. All in the name of saving itself, all in the name of continuing the "story" it is so proud to re-tell and that make up my personality.
The mind wants time to remember the past and project into a future of glory, to give me an identity and a reason to live for. It tells me: "this is who I am, what happened yesterday and what might happen tomorrow, never mind now". Mind does not want to be here, it has no purpose here.
But the brain is too small. Poor brain. It doesn't really know how small it is. It thinks it is my protector.
It is not.
I am the timeless, the eternal, that which was never born and never dies. I AM.
May we be observant today of those times in which unnecessary thinking takes over and takes us away from this moment.
You are. We are. Thank you for sharing the fluctuations - they reverbrate inside of me as well!
ReplyDeleteThis reminder came at just the right moment. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteVery timely post. You would not believe how many people I have talked to lately (including me) who have been kept up at night worried about being so worried...
ReplyDeleteI love this part- "Message to my brain: please go away for a little while. Come back when I need you to solve a math problem, or when I need to book plane tickets and count days in a calendar, or when I need to address something that is in the now, real."
ReplyDeleteI also love how you mention the language structures. The way language effects our brain and how we relate to ourselves is amazing. Yes but and should for example in your post. Great post, keep it up!
Thank you :-) all courtesy of my dellusions! hee hee... the two you mention "Yes but" and "should" are pretty big indeed... they have so much force behind them, or so it seems. Thanks for your comment Helen.
ReplyDeleteI hear you Maria, I know someone, very close to me, so close I can feel her breathing that does the same thing! :-) What is that? how do we get back to now? Do you think is an "addiction" of sorts?
ReplyDeleteThanks Minerva for saying so, appreciate it. :-)
ReplyDelete:-)
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading Debbie Ford's Dark Side of the Light Chasers then stumbled across her "The Shadow Effect" movie on TV while just channel surfing. Then I read that quote above "What you resist, persists" while blog surfing. It really is so true. Ford compared repression as trying to keep a bunch of beach balls submerged in a pool while trying to look cool and collected like nothing is wrong at the same time. The moment you get distracted or lose concentration or get anxious, they all come rushing to the surface.
ReplyDeleteI love that analogy of Ford... he was a philosopher I take it, it is a good visual for trying to resist all those things that need to come afloat, see the light, without judgement i would add, but still see the light! - thanks for sharing that
ReplyDeleteNo, it's a she. Debbie Ford. She's a spiritual author who specializes in repression, specifically the concept of "the shadow" as described by Carl Jung. Kind of like Eckhart Tolle, a writer who finds commonalities in western psychology and eastern spiritualities and then writes about them in a way that's very accessible to western, modern audiences. I highly recommend her book Dark Side of the Light Chasers. Her others are supposed to be good too but that's the only one I read.
ReplyDeleteOh I see! Debbie Ford all the way, for some reason I thought it was Henry Ford, the one with the automobiles (who said: whether you believe you can or cant either way you are right).
ReplyDeleteI have seen Debbie Ford in many circles, I think she has a radio show in the Louise Hay network? But never read her books. Now I am intrigued. Thanks for the clarification.
I'm going to say that maybe it is a necessary step to pausing to realize that you hare holding yourself hostage. Before that, I don't think we even realized we were imprisoned. Now that we know, we maybe are figuring out how unlocked the cell is and that it is a matter of getting up and walking out.
ReplyDeleteyes, nice way to put it!
ReplyDelete