Driving back from breakfast yesterday I elaborated on her simple question about yoga. I did not notice the mountains over the riever or even to turn on the lights as we went through the small tunnel in my passion. My answer was a balanced lecture of sorts: Why yoga,? Why Ashtanga? What happens when you go to India? etc. It would have been a good talk, wish I had recorded it. Then she said: I fell asleep.
Ouch!
Of course for a young person that conversation was boring! She was probably just looking for a simple "yes" or "no". Is Ashtanga the best yoga there is? Or is it not? Duh! Now it was too late.
My ego was bruised = Opportunity.
What an excellent chance to practice diminishing my self and feeling what it is like to have a wounded sense of personality, what it might feel like to"die" -in a way.
And all of this within a relatively safe situation (very different it would have been if, say, a teacher would have said so in front of a bunch of peers, -which also happened to me- but that is another story)
As soon as we parked the car in the driveway I went upstairs and hit the cushion:
-Felt the feelings.
-Stopped the talking.
-Got in touch with what is, and
-Let the ego be hurt, marinate in its own misery.
Instead of jumping at defending myself (which would have been ridiculous-mind you) I just stayed with the feeling. I let myself feel "bad".
The wondrous thing about it is that instead of being mad at the situation for weeks it only lasted 1.5 hours. Yes, that is how strong my ego can get. A 10 year old says something that threatens my sense of self-importance and it takes me 1.5 hours to return to consciousness. That is how low in the chain of spiritual development I am.
But then I forgot about it. Magic! Now it does not even seem important. Which of course, it never was.
I suspect this is why the zen saying says "Before enlightenment chop wood and carry water, after enlightenment, chop wood and carry water". IT IS VERY EASY TO FALL UNCONSCIOUS AGAIN. The practice must continue at all times, and opportunities obviously abound!
Diminishing or letting the ego be bruised is a great practice to die to the old conditioned reactions of the mind.
It is best practiced with mild situations of course, it takes graduate work to do it in intense situations. It is best to start small, notice the situations when they come in, and be grateful for those mild little scars that allow us the opportunity for practice. They are golden nuggets, they are miracles.
Letting the ego suffer is NOT to be confused with allowing someone to walk all over us, of course.
Some situations require action. The challenge when the threat is much bigger, say someone publicly calles you an "idiot", is to take action without drama. Perhaps that is the next step. To say what needs to be said "I am not an idiot, and then block the person from the social network ties", but not create any more suffering, not try to make the other "wrong". Challenging, worth doing.
I find that when I react badly it takes me a lot longer, sometimes months to come around to being conscious, to this moment, to what is. A bruised ego can hurt a lot more peoeple and most of all, myself, if left unchecked, if allowed to react.
The crazy stops here, the choice is ours.
Of course for a young person that conversation was boring! She was probably just looking for a simple "yes" or "no". Is Ashtanga the best yoga there is? Or is it not? Duh! Now it was too late.
My ego was bruised = Opportunity.
What an excellent chance to practice diminishing my self and feeling what it is like to have a wounded sense of personality, what it might feel like to"die" -in a way.
And all of this within a relatively safe situation (very different it would have been if, say, a teacher would have said so in front of a bunch of peers, -which also happened to me- but that is another story)
 |
| Bruised ego |
-Felt the feelings.
-Stopped the talking.
-Got in touch with what is, and
-Let the ego be hurt, marinate in its own misery.
Instead of jumping at defending myself (which would have been ridiculous-mind you) I just stayed with the feeling. I let myself feel "bad".
The wondrous thing about it is that instead of being mad at the situation for weeks it only lasted 1.5 hours. Yes, that is how strong my ego can get. A 10 year old says something that threatens my sense of self-importance and it takes me 1.5 hours to return to consciousness. That is how low in the chain of spiritual development I am.
But then I forgot about it. Magic! Now it does not even seem important. Which of course, it never was.
I suspect this is why the zen saying says "Before enlightenment chop wood and carry water, after enlightenment, chop wood and carry water". IT IS VERY EASY TO FALL UNCONSCIOUS AGAIN. The practice must continue at all times, and opportunities obviously abound!
 |
| Note to Self: Remain Vigilant, Unconsciousness is Always Lurking |
It is best practiced with mild situations of course, it takes graduate work to do it in intense situations. It is best to start small, notice the situations when they come in, and be grateful for those mild little scars that allow us the opportunity for practice. They are golden nuggets, they are miracles.
Letting the ego suffer is NOT to be confused with allowing someone to walk all over us, of course.
Some situations require action. The challenge when the threat is much bigger, say someone publicly calles you an "idiot", is to take action without drama. Perhaps that is the next step. To say what needs to be said "I am not an idiot, and then block the person from the social network ties", but not create any more suffering, not try to make the other "wrong". Challenging, worth doing.
I find that when I react badly it takes me a lot longer, sometimes months to come around to being conscious, to this moment, to what is. A bruised ego can hurt a lot more peoeple and most of all, myself, if left unchecked, if allowed to react.
The crazy stops here, the choice is ours.
This is a wonderful post. Note that it gets worst as you age. You want to share that experience, you want to teach... But that's not what they want! They (meaning the younger crowd) wants action, they want straight talk. Now, when I get a question like this, I do two things: I rein down my enthusiasm and I am as concise as I can. If they want more I give more. I tell myself the biggest joy is not to have shown how great I am but to have been able to share
ReplyDeleteClaude
good philosophy Claude :-)
ReplyDelete