Are we going to watch the fire? I asked the room and everyone laughed at me. What did I say? Well aparently fire is not enough, you must say the whole thing, fire-works... Oh this business of being a foreigner has embarassed me so many times, and also has attempted to define me...
The United States celebrated independence yesterday and as I watched the fireworks explode in shades of green, gold, red, blue and white, I got to thinking about the things I would like to be independent of. These are five of them:
1.- Tyrany of the mind: I would so welcome a respite from thinking, become independent of the things my mind wants to turn into solid truths, creeds to live by, self-righteous assertations to force me into insanity.
2.- Judgement: I want to declare freedom from it, take moments as they come, with the sacredness of what is, beyond my colorings
3.- Wants. I still want so many things. Even though it looks like through yoga I have sheded the old and learned more and more to use just what I need I still cling to love, to comfort, to wanting things my way.
4.- Things I dont want. And so when things go bad I want to hide, go away, disappear, take sleepy time tea and sleep it off, not be there. I wish I could be more present for those moments that seem one way but really are just what is
5.- Isolation. I want to be independent from my need to close in and shy away from the world, I wish I can understand that we are all in this together and that the only way towards center is through being and helping others and myself.
I vow to slowly open the door of my heart, to stay with the fears that come up it being while I back bend or while I meet new people that seem strange to me. I vow to let go of old thinking and preconditioning to slowly move into the silence and the beauty of what is happening even though I know it won't always be pretty.
Freedom comes one moment at the time, in the decision to not shut down a family member by labeling it harmfull but rather in accepting that right now I cannot talk to her but that does not mean all is bad. People grow, change, they have no choice, and having someone perceived as difficult is a great spiritual teaching because the 'other' is not the other at all, is a part of me.
And so I look at ways in which I try to shut down some peope and therefore certain areas of my psychic, shy away, hide, not deal with them, avoid harm at all costs, remain untouched and isolated. I want to open the door here too.
Freedom comes from realizing that I might feel fear about people who treated me badly in the past but that this need not coloring whatever comes now, even an encounter with them, that remaining open and vulnerable, aware and centered is the only way to reach the core of what is, to come to a state of yoga, to be fully present here and now.
Freedom is only possible now.
The United States celebrated independence yesterday and as I watched the fireworks explode in shades of green, gold, red, blue and white, I got to thinking about the things I would like to be independent of. These are five of them:
 |
| Fireworks |
2.- Judgement: I want to declare freedom from it, take moments as they come, with the sacredness of what is, beyond my colorings
3.- Wants. I still want so many things. Even though it looks like through yoga I have sheded the old and learned more and more to use just what I need I still cling to love, to comfort, to wanting things my way.
4.- Things I dont want. And so when things go bad I want to hide, go away, disappear, take sleepy time tea and sleep it off, not be there. I wish I could be more present for those moments that seem one way but really are just what is
5.- Isolation. I want to be independent from my need to close in and shy away from the world, I wish I can understand that we are all in this together and that the only way towards center is through being and helping others and myself.
I vow to slowly open the door of my heart, to stay with the fears that come up it being while I back bend or while I meet new people that seem strange to me. I vow to let go of old thinking and preconditioning to slowly move into the silence and the beauty of what is happening even though I know it won't always be pretty.
 |
| vow to open the door |
And so I look at ways in which I try to shut down some peope and therefore certain areas of my psychic, shy away, hide, not deal with them, avoid harm at all costs, remain untouched and isolated. I want to open the door here too.
Freedom comes from realizing that I might feel fear about people who treated me badly in the past but that this need not coloring whatever comes now, even an encounter with them, that remaining open and vulnerable, aware and centered is the only way to reach the core of what is, to come to a state of yoga, to be fully present here and now.
Freedom is only possible now.
Claudia, number 4 really struck me. When things go bad we always want to hide. Maybe it's better to just face things head on. Not to play hide and seek anymore. The problem is, it's such a strong feeling. I wish i knew how to be strong.
ReplyDeleteThanks for another great post.
I know what you mean by "such a strong feeling" some situations are just impossible, I am not proposing heading on to them and not noticing that we can be harmed, I guess my thinking is going more along the lines of noticing what I feel but not creating a monster in my mind about some other person. Staying away if necessary, but that does not mean I cannot pray for them...
ReplyDeleteWas reading about the practice of Tongle which inspired this post... I dont have to face a family member that is harmful to me now, toxic even, but I can breathe in what I think she might be feeling, (fear, panic, pain, everything that makes her act this way) and breathe out love, support etc... it won't make the reality of what is happening go away, it might not bring things back as they were, but it might just might open my heart... help me stay with things as they are without extra judging and labeling...
Appreciate your comment
This is beautiful, and honest. Love it.
ReplyDelete