What I'm Sweating Now... IS FEAR

I understand why the first and second series of Ashtanga yoga are called what they are. The first: "Yoga Therapy", becomes clear because when I go through it I am sweating "Toxins"... 

The body smells badly at first, and eventually not so bad... and within a few years it is "just sweat". 

The second series is called "Nerve Cleansing"... and that is the right name Because what I am sweating right now is FEAR... 

Pure fear.

As I face poses that open and twist the back to olympic levels I can see the anticipation in every cell. 

Everything screams No! (or tries to negotiate a later day, another time, another life) When in reality the body is now pretty bendy, malleable, ready.

I had a session a few weeks ago where literally my body was laughing at my mind for not getting into a pose just "because the mind says so"... 

It was frigging mocking it. 

And "I" was not even in the equation, I don't even know who I am anymore (which is a great thing)... it was just a conversation between body and mind.

Can the body make fun of the mind like that?

Can the mind be so persistent in its desire to control things? 

Even in the evidence of the power of a long-term daily practice in which... well... all comes...

Dear fear, I understand you are there, I understand your evolutionary strong desire to protect me and do anything in your power to keep me safe. And I am grateful for you. 

However...

I have three things that I will use to work through you, or with you, or alongside you, during my practice:

1- I will smile internally
2- I will relax the mind and will relax the face
3- I will practice

TODAY

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2 comments:

  1. Ahhh! Fear what would be able to accomplish without you?!


    I have a question for the cyber shala about progression. I started practicing Ashtanga in late September, and my plan was to go to the shala a couple of times a week, and practice at home the other days. The home practice has been the easy part, but since mid October getting to the shala has been out of the question for me due to surgery, money and Arctic Vortex craziness hitting Toronto this winter.


    Excuses aside, I want to keep practicing. I want to find what the elusive "....and everything will come" means for me. But I am scared of progressing on my own, yet at the same time, I feel I should add the next section to my practice. I am currently doing what I have been taught, that is up to the Janus.


    My question for the home schooled ashtangis is: how do you know you can move on? How can you measure asana proficiency? At the shala my teacher will judge if I am ready or not, but I have no idea how to tell that for myself.


    I know that I won't push myself to the point of injury, but I will play around and test my limit (I have injured myself quite a bit before in other activities and I sort of learned my lesson)


    Sorry for the long post... But I am a bit annoyed by this and I would appreciate your input on this.


    Thanks,
    Patricia

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  2. Ashtanga Yoga employs a multitude of techniques, such as postures, breathing, concentration and meditation exercises which differs from other forms of yoga in that it is dynamic, whereas most forms are static.



    Nayemma
    www.anamayaresort.com

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