Conflicted Feelings

Nothing has worked better in my life than my daily Ashtanga practice, and I am completely aware that this is so, because I am me, but this is NOT the case for everyone else.

Since I "married" myself to the practice as I like to say, my body has been re-defined, my mind steadied, and a lot of emotional stuff that had to be dealt with at some point or another has come to the surface, quickly and it full force. I will spear you the tears.

There is no question in my mind that, at least for me, yoga is a spiritual path.

That being said, I just read Bindi' thoughts on her blog post for September 18 (today) http://www.astangayogachicago.blogspot.com/ and I find it interesting, how the practice is such a completely different thing for her, and for the 5 people who commented (so far)

For me the biggest conflicted feelings have to do with the lineage of Ashtanga. I had planned for a long time to go to Mysore for 3 months in March, that is, until I heard that there is a rumor that Sarath plans to quit the shala for 2 years, and that the family may close it.

Since then my plans have been cancelled of course, one does not want to change life when there are rumors that what one wants to do is not to be there.

I wonder about the seriousness of it all, about Sawasatti not being able to authorize people to be teachers, even though she is certified as much as Sarath, and teaches at the shala with as much dedication as Sarath (is it because she is a woman?).

I wonder about the fees, 750 dollars for the first month (this is India). Granted, you could argue that they don't do what Iyengar does (leaves you waiting for two years), and that the high fees curb people's attendance, but I am not sure that really works. The shala is always full.

I wonder about the shala clock that is 15 minutes ahead of "real time", and when they tell you to be there at 8:00 AM, they mean shala time, not real time, and by the way, this is not something they tell you, you kind of figure it out on your own.

As much as I respect Pattabi Jois for having given us this tradition that unquestionably has changed my life, I find myself with conflicted feelings around how the present tyranny.

Friends of mine quit jobs to go to Mysore last February when I was there only to find out that the shala suddenly closed, (with 2 weeks notice), and for a month and a half.

See, a part of me wants to play it nice and just blindly workship the guru and pretend nothing is out of place, but that is not the true, and after all, I am not a nice girl anymore.