How exactly does one trust God

Walking up Fifth Avenue last Thursday I realized that the game of life is played by trusting God.

I have read enough spiritual books and been to plenty of retreats to not only be learned about but also have enough experience to appreciate the fact that we can set an intention on the direction in which we want to go about in life, but the ultimate word is up to God.

Whatever God brings into our lives is what serves the highest purpose of our lives, which is to work and grow in the areas that we need to develop. That is our sacred contract in this life, we came here to work through something, to advance in our quest for spirit, to get to that peaceful place we all yearn for.

For me this contract points to learn to balance my life and to clear the negativity that obscures the shinning soul I am. But the purpose of my life maybe material for another post, back to trusting now.

When a tantrum attack of "I want it my way" came over me on that sunny Thursday I could not but wonder, if I trust God, then the way things happen may not be as I want them, if I just set the intention and then trust and go with the flow there are no guarantees. If I am not "willing" things into manifestation, if I am just flowing with whatever comes, then, I am not really even an active creator.

This is my ego speaking of course. Is just that just trusting and knowing that God is bringing to me what is best for my development regardless of the intentions and the burning desires I have inside of me feels unfair.

So, how do I do that? I humbly asked God. How do I trust You?

Not surprisingly I got an answer immediately. "Pretend you do, and you will" said a voice in my heart. If God was American She/He could have used the expression "fake it till you make it".

The thing with trusting God is that it leaves me in this vulnerable state where I feel so at the mercy of the universal energy. And what about the desires that have been planted like seeds within me?

As I relax into the awe of creation and continue to fake with only glimpses of full trust, I realize the desires are there for a reason too, and it is OK to have and trust them.

If I get really quiet I can almost hear the voice of God whispering into my ear: truuuuust meeee,
truuuuust meeeee.

So be it.