Science of Breath

Reading "Science of Breath" I find myself noticing the nostril through which air is coming in, how long are the inhalations, how long the exhalations, how is my posture.

I never really think about these things, and all of a sudden they come to the center of my awareness, and then, just like that, my awareness is gone, I fall into unconsciousness thinking about work, or that email I have to write for the performance contract, or the long-distance conversation I had with my father which I did not particularly enjoy.

Coming back to the book, to what is on the page, takes something like determination.

At night I try to implement new knowledge, I rest on my left to open my right nostril and hence stimulate digestion (even though I ate ages ago), and then on my right to open my right nostril and prepare myself for sleep. I notice no difference, I fall asleep like I always do.

Last Sunday at yoga sutra I ventured into the new items on display. The neti pots had arrived, so I bought one and followed the directions of the book. I felt like a "real" yogi. The result was a messy splash and a sense of defeat. I will never be a good yogi says my ego. Always so dramatic.

During my daily meditation, when I go into the silence and I connect with spirit (thank God!), I suddenly notice my breath, as if it was this ephemeral thing that can only be "seen" once in a while, as if by chance. My breath is quiet, steady, comes through both nostrils, I am aware, my back is straight, I am here.

The chapters written by Rudolph Ballentine (MD) bore me. I resist the reality of my own biology as "hard work" and I tend to skip. Again my mind wants to jump into what the yogi said, what interests me, the ego, the untamable.

Maybe the most important thing I am learning from this book is the realization of how scattered my mind is. I am learning that the breath can have an impact on it, but I don't yet understand how.

At night I remember what I read about how meditation instructors of the past never taught their students advanced techniques until they were sure that they were able to stay quiet, really quiet.

I notice how much movement there is in my mind, and in my body, even as my breath quiets and 30 minutes have passed on the cushion.

I wonder if it is even possible for someone living and working in the buzz of New York and New Jersey to attain anything close to good breathing, meditation, Samadhi.