I am angry. The reasons why are delicate, too personal, and irrelevant, but the most pressing issue right now is that I feel the rush of heated blood running through my veins, the full blossom of hell energy pulsating throughout my body, the tornado of emotional confusion, the propensity to jump out at someones throat. Shiva must be turning the wheels in some parallel universe.
Two nights ago at the height of the hating exasperation I tried sitting, as I am doing daily following Jen and Martina's advise, not to much avail, but I did remember while in the midst of the silence the wonderful book by Shakti Gawain: "Creative Visualization
"
At a time when the chemicals of anger are taking over our bodies (all bodies, not just the physical but also the emotional, mental etc.), I found this beautiful visualization from the book very helpful, and so it makes it number 1. I have not read the book in a while so I am paraphrasing a little, I recommend you get the book for full accuracy
1.- I imagine myself protective cocoon or egg of light. I am safe within the cocoon. And now I affirm that
Picture comes from this website.
And so I wonder, how many times do we find ourselves in situations like this? blood boiling, seeing red, wishing to do things we know we will regret. Here are the next 31 ideas I jotted down, what are some of the things you do?
2.- Breath deeply, for 20 times, no less. No, don't just breath deeply, actually step away of wherever it is you are, find a new chair, sit down and purposely breath deeply.
3.- Sit for a one hour meditation, it will be hell for the first 30 to 45 minutes, especially if you keep it real and keep your eyes shut and don't move, you may feel better after this mark.
4.- If you happen to be in the middle of a corporate meeting when anger strikes do the following:
5.- Deep anger is sometimes related to issues with our parents or close family members. ALANON meetings are very effective in helping us clarify why is it that we are angry, and sometimes find healing and solace.
6.- Ask yourself: "Why am I so angry?" and be as honest as possible in your response.
7.- Many times anger comes from denial, from seeing things the way we want to see them rather than the way they are, it is important to run our thoughts by others, perhaps a therapist or a member of a support group, have a "reality check". You can also email three friends and see what they think. I do not recommend doing this often as getting too many points of view from people who do not know the whole story can confuse things even further, but in extreme cases, or when a decision must be made quickly it might help as collective intelligence advise.
8.- Take up yoga, especially ashtanga, and yes I am biased. Believe me after practicing just the opening part of the primary series things in the world seem a lot easier to deal with. Any style of yoga that gets you deeper in connecting with your own truth will do, does not necessarily need to be the type I practice, although I like that one.
9.- Connect with a higher power (in any way in which you understand it) and tell this power that you feel overwhelmed, to please help you. Ask, you will hear answers. Just to give you an example:
A few days ago while traveling with HB we had to rent a car and we were given a Toyota. I am not too happy about them because of what happened repeatedly where the cars have started accelerated on their own and killing people. But, waiting for another car would have taken 30 more minutes and delay all schedules. I was also reassured that all issues have been rectified. I decided to surrender and ask God to help me. Then we went outside to get the car and the plate read" "EZB"... or, "be easy?" answers do come from the most unusual places sometimes. We had no issues with the car.
10.- Let it be, listen to the song, let the words melt you.
11.- Avoid gossip at all times because gossip is the main originator of anger. If you speak poorly about some other person behind their back it is guaranteed that they will eventually find out, it is a law, they will, sooner or later, and it will generate more anger.
12.- When someone is mean to you, as much as possible try to not fan the fire, make a resolution to stop the anger with you. This is the most heroic act a human being can do, it can also be the most difficult.
13.- "Kindness is my religion", that is what the Dali Lama says. When someone is mean, if possible, use elegance to diffuse. This does not mean letting someone walk over you, sometimes strong words and a reality check are necessary but in some cases we can see right through people, and notice that they are angry because they just have a tummy hurt or they are jealous, in these cases it might be better to acknowledge and let them be.
14.- Go to a Vipassana 10-day introductory course, I have found that this is the most effective technique out there to notice how we start reacting and how the spiral is unstoppable unless we catch it at the source.
15.- When someone is completely out of line, before responding think to yourself :"God bless her/him". It will instantly change your attitude towards the whole situation.
16.- When the anger is out of control, manipulative and sick (which sometimes happens) stay out of it, do not respond, contact, or try to explain, let the person who is very angry go through their cycle of learning, and pray they will come out on the other side maybe healthier, maybe wiser. Train the perpetrator that you will not speak to them unless kindness is used as a medium of communication.
17.- Talk to a priest, rabbi, spiritual advisor, someone from a support group. Just talk to someone, let it out of your mind.
18.- Slowly train yourself to pause for 1 second before responding to any question, then 2 seconds, then 3. May not sound like a big step but the results have to be experienced to be believed. Many times situations end up resolving themselves just by allowing the space to be there.
19.-Take care of yourself, and avoid putting yourself in situations that will instigate anger. Yes, be true to yourself, yes, speak your mind, just phrase it so that it encourages, helps, motivates, adds value.
20.- Clean up your vocabulary, words are powerful, they are spells we cast, they have the enormous power to hurt, to cause real wounds, or to heal and help someone flourish.
21.- Be especially careful when dealing with anger coming from children. Listen to them deeply and seriously, then seek advise, talk to professionals and friends, use intelligence and provide the best that your tribe can suggest. Children are the future and we want a society where anger can give way to respect, to happiness, to peace.
22.- Encourage open dialogue with strong boundaries
23.- Respect your own boundaries and create a safe space of peace within you. Especially in love or close relationships, even though counter intuitive, if you find yourself repeatedly being the target of anger stop communications with the perpetrator. It is tempting to keep on giving people a chance, but it is healthier for all involved to put ourselves and our own well being first.
24.- Get enough sleep, go to the bathroom for #1 and #2 every day, and drink plenty of water.
25.- Eat healthy.
26.- Get some sunlight every day.
27.- Take a walk.
28.- Take some 'me' time to reflect. Especially after the first burst of heat wears off, and things somewhat calm down, write down your thoughts, try to learn from what happened.
29.- If you are really angry with someone write them a letter and describe everything, all the reasons why you are angry, let it all out on black and white. Then put the letter in a drawer and let it sit there for at least 30 days to 180 days, see what happens, you may find that you change your mind or at least the urge to mail it is not there anymore. Never react instantly when in the midst of anger, it is sure to backfire and it never works out.
30.- Remember that we are all human and we are all going to die one day. In that light, death becomes a friend and we notice that it might be better to be in awe at the sunset rather than get caught in things that may not really have a solution, for now.
31.- I always say a prayer before proceeding in a situation where anger has settled in me.
32.- In some cases the hurt is unbearable. I look at the world these days and we cannot deny that some atrocities are happening and they are horrible. In these cases I think of this Gandhi story:
Nahari: I'm going to Hell! I killed a child! I smashed his head against a wall.
Gandhi: Why?
Nahari: Because they killed my son! The Muslims killed my son!
[indicates boy's height]
Gandhi: I know a way out of Hell. Find a child, a child whose mother and father have been killed and raise him as your own.
[indicates same height]
Gandhi: Only be sure that he is a Muslim and that you raise him as one.
I am not sure I could rise to the height of Gandhi on this, when I saw this scene on the movie it literally blew my mind, this is graduate level peace, but I suppose it is a good story to keep in mind. The portion of the script comes from here.
What are your thoughts? How do you deal with anger?
RELATED POSTS
9 Reasons why Vipassana is the best meditation technique out there
32 Unusual ways to love ourselves
How to find time to practice meditation every day
Two nights ago at the height of the hating exasperation I tried sitting, as I am doing daily following Jen and Martina's advise, not to much avail, but I did remember while in the midst of the silence the wonderful book by Shakti Gawain: "Creative Visualization
"At a time when the chemicals of anger are taking over our bodies (all bodies, not just the physical but also the emotional, mental etc.), I found this beautiful visualization from the book very helpful, and so it makes it number 1. I have not read the book in a while so I am paraphrasing a little, I recommend you get the book for full accuracy
1.- I imagine myself protective cocoon or egg of light. I am safe within the cocoon. And now I affirm that
- All thoughts coming from others towards me that are beautiful and loving will travel through my egg of light and reach me; while
- All thoughts coming from others that are negative or harmful will contact my egg of light and the words sent back to the sender
- I also affirm that all thoughts coming from me that are beautiful and loving, will travel through my egg of light and reach their recipient
- While all thoughts coming from me that are negative or harmful will be neutralized by that light and a blessing sent instead.
Guess this number 1 comes at a right time since Lady Gaga was brought within an egg to the Grammy's last night. So what better collective consciousness image to have in our minds when visualizing number one.
Picture comes from this website.
And so I wonder, how many times do we find ourselves in situations like this? blood boiling, seeing red, wishing to do things we know we will regret. Here are the next 31 ideas I jotted down, what are some of the things you do?
2.- Breath deeply, for 20 times, no less. No, don't just breath deeply, actually step away of wherever it is you are, find a new chair, sit down and purposely breath deeply.
3.- Sit for a one hour meditation, it will be hell for the first 30 to 45 minutes, especially if you keep it real and keep your eyes shut and don't move, you may feel better after this mark.
4.- If you happen to be in the middle of a corporate meeting when anger strikes do the following:
- Mentally say to your self "Stand up, say "excuse me", and walk away",
- say that one time, then again, then say it again,
- say it as many times as it takes until your body responds, and actually stands up, says: "excuse me" and removes it self from the situation.
- Should someone ask why, say "you have to poo", it always works.
- I have been in this case way too many times to know for a fact that it is the only way to deal with it, you must cool off before proceeding. Once at the bathroom see point 1 and if at all possible put 24 hours between that encounter and the next one in which you need to deal with the same issue.
5.- Deep anger is sometimes related to issues with our parents or close family members. ALANON meetings are very effective in helping us clarify why is it that we are angry, and sometimes find healing and solace.
6.- Ask yourself: "Why am I so angry?" and be as honest as possible in your response.
7.- Many times anger comes from denial, from seeing things the way we want to see them rather than the way they are, it is important to run our thoughts by others, perhaps a therapist or a member of a support group, have a "reality check". You can also email three friends and see what they think. I do not recommend doing this often as getting too many points of view from people who do not know the whole story can confuse things even further, but in extreme cases, or when a decision must be made quickly it might help as collective intelligence advise.
8.- Take up yoga, especially ashtanga, and yes I am biased. Believe me after practicing just the opening part of the primary series things in the world seem a lot easier to deal with. Any style of yoga that gets you deeper in connecting with your own truth will do, does not necessarily need to be the type I practice, although I like that one.
9.- Connect with a higher power (in any way in which you understand it) and tell this power that you feel overwhelmed, to please help you. Ask, you will hear answers. Just to give you an example:
A few days ago while traveling with HB we had to rent a car and we were given a Toyota. I am not too happy about them because of what happened repeatedly where the cars have started accelerated on their own and killing people. But, waiting for another car would have taken 30 more minutes and delay all schedules. I was also reassured that all issues have been rectified. I decided to surrender and ask God to help me. Then we went outside to get the car and the plate read" "EZB"... or, "be easy?" answers do come from the most unusual places sometimes. We had no issues with the car.
10.- Let it be, listen to the song, let the words melt you.
11.- Avoid gossip at all times because gossip is the main originator of anger. If you speak poorly about some other person behind their back it is guaranteed that they will eventually find out, it is a law, they will, sooner or later, and it will generate more anger.
12.- When someone is mean to you, as much as possible try to not fan the fire, make a resolution to stop the anger with you. This is the most heroic act a human being can do, it can also be the most difficult.
13.- "Kindness is my religion", that is what the Dali Lama says. When someone is mean, if possible, use elegance to diffuse. This does not mean letting someone walk over you, sometimes strong words and a reality check are necessary but in some cases we can see right through people, and notice that they are angry because they just have a tummy hurt or they are jealous, in these cases it might be better to acknowledge and let them be.
14.- Go to a Vipassana 10-day introductory course, I have found that this is the most effective technique out there to notice how we start reacting and how the spiral is unstoppable unless we catch it at the source.
15.- When someone is completely out of line, before responding think to yourself :"God bless her/him". It will instantly change your attitude towards the whole situation.
16.- When the anger is out of control, manipulative and sick (which sometimes happens) stay out of it, do not respond, contact, or try to explain, let the person who is very angry go through their cycle of learning, and pray they will come out on the other side maybe healthier, maybe wiser. Train the perpetrator that you will not speak to them unless kindness is used as a medium of communication.
17.- Talk to a priest, rabbi, spiritual advisor, someone from a support group. Just talk to someone, let it out of your mind.
18.- Slowly train yourself to pause for 1 second before responding to any question, then 2 seconds, then 3. May not sound like a big step but the results have to be experienced to be believed. Many times situations end up resolving themselves just by allowing the space to be there.
19.-Take care of yourself, and avoid putting yourself in situations that will instigate anger. Yes, be true to yourself, yes, speak your mind, just phrase it so that it encourages, helps, motivates, adds value.
20.- Clean up your vocabulary, words are powerful, they are spells we cast, they have the enormous power to hurt, to cause real wounds, or to heal and help someone flourish.
21.- Be especially careful when dealing with anger coming from children. Listen to them deeply and seriously, then seek advise, talk to professionals and friends, use intelligence and provide the best that your tribe can suggest. Children are the future and we want a society where anger can give way to respect, to happiness, to peace.
22.- Encourage open dialogue with strong boundaries
23.- Respect your own boundaries and create a safe space of peace within you. Especially in love or close relationships, even though counter intuitive, if you find yourself repeatedly being the target of anger stop communications with the perpetrator. It is tempting to keep on giving people a chance, but it is healthier for all involved to put ourselves and our own well being first.
24.- Get enough sleep, go to the bathroom for #1 and #2 every day, and drink plenty of water.
25.- Eat healthy.
26.- Get some sunlight every day.
27.- Take a walk.
28.- Take some 'me' time to reflect. Especially after the first burst of heat wears off, and things somewhat calm down, write down your thoughts, try to learn from what happened.
29.- If you are really angry with someone write them a letter and describe everything, all the reasons why you are angry, let it all out on black and white. Then put the letter in a drawer and let it sit there for at least 30 days to 180 days, see what happens, you may find that you change your mind or at least the urge to mail it is not there anymore. Never react instantly when in the midst of anger, it is sure to backfire and it never works out.
30.- Remember that we are all human and we are all going to die one day. In that light, death becomes a friend and we notice that it might be better to be in awe at the sunset rather than get caught in things that may not really have a solution, for now.
31.- I always say a prayer before proceeding in a situation where anger has settled in me.
32.- In some cases the hurt is unbearable. I look at the world these days and we cannot deny that some atrocities are happening and they are horrible. In these cases I think of this Gandhi story:
Nahari: I'm going to Hell! I killed a child! I smashed his head against a wall.
Gandhi: Why?
Nahari: Because they killed my son! The Muslims killed my son!
[indicates boy's height]
Gandhi: I know a way out of Hell. Find a child, a child whose mother and father have been killed and raise him as your own.
[indicates same height]
Gandhi: Only be sure that he is a Muslim and that you raise him as one.
I am not sure I could rise to the height of Gandhi on this, when I saw this scene on the movie it literally blew my mind, this is graduate level peace, but I suppose it is a good story to keep in mind. The portion of the script comes from here.
What are your thoughts? How do you deal with anger?
RELATED POSTS
9 Reasons why Vipassana is the best meditation technique out there
32 Unusual ways to love ourselves
How to find time to practice meditation every day
This is a good post for me to read! I tend to just turn away and shut down, which is maybe better than actively engaging and doing battle, but still far from ideal.
ReplyDeleteI hope your issue gets resolved in a way that's good for all involved, whatever it is!
Thank you B, hope to be able to come to the shala soon too, guess I am missing the group energy... hope you are well, thanks for your kind words
ReplyDeleteI'm not coming back to Pure! I owe them a couple more months of full payment... I'd already decided I was going to chuck the two free & one frozen month. Greg worked out a little deal for me so I can afford to stay.
ReplyDeleteIt's just working for me. I am back to my first Astanga teacher and I'm going to stay! I fit there. I'd already figured out I am more Manju than Sharath. Let's get together some time when you're in the city though, if you have time. Would love to see you.
Hi B, great, i am happy to hear you are happy with Greg, this is good news! And yes, would love to see you, will email
ReplyDeleteYes I'm going to stay put. He's been holding steady at this location, independently, for a couple years now. Hopefully no more yoga upheavals for me for awhile!
ReplyDeleteGreat thought. I am very impressed with you. Your points are so natural and very effective, especially avoiding gossips and taking care yourself. Pause for a one second is a superb idea to feel fresh. Thanks for this nice post.
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it RC :-)
ReplyDelete