"You know that scene in the Bond movie where Daniel Craig comes out of the water?, He is soooo lickable!" I said to Sean, my gay overseas kind-of-boss, the sweetest friend I ever encountered in the corporate world and whom I knew would relate to me on that Monday morning in 2008(?)
He put a cheeky face and said: "Oh, Claudia, I am sure you mean: 'Like-able'". He said that with a very naughty British accent. He was, of course, priming me for the punch line.
With the deepest bottom-of-my-belly voice I could muster, I said: "Oh No Sean, I meant LICK-ABLE, in e-ve-ry sense of the word." Gosh it felt so good!
In Thailand one morning after breakfast while at Teacher Training, I recounted this story again (one of many times) to a group of women that had gathered for breakfast, and again it felt so good because for the first time in my life, after 41 years of being in the planet I was fiiiiiiiii-naly doing what men have been doing for centuries: Objectifying a human being of the opposite sex WITHOUT any shame!
Come to think of it, It was not really the first time, I had actually objectified and even obsess over unavailable men before. Many times. But I had never actually verbalized it. Take it out. You know? the way men talk about women?
I had repressed that talk forever!
Of course I obsessed over an unavailable man while in Thailand too.
I had an issue with this and there is never a better place for issues to surface than when you are immersing yourself in yoga. It kind of means it's working, the yoga that is.
If it was surfacing, it meant I had to heal, I had to pay attention to it.
So this guy -the obsessed over- whom I met at breakfast on the first morning in the island of Ko Samui asked me: "how do you say 'I love you' in Spanish?".
Strange kind of question, don't you think? As I left to change clothes for the afternoon lecture he yelled at me: "Te Amo"... for no reason at all. He was not attracted to me, I think he was as petrified of relationships as I was at the time. He was also much younger than me.
Thing is, by then I had some recovery in me and I could identify exactly what was to happen. I was to obsess over this unavailable man who was probably going through his own issues. Otherwise, why would he say that?
Knowing I had an issue with it made things easier. I allowed myself to feel all the feelings that came with it, I noticed when I wanted to put my mat near his, when I tried to create intrigue, or when I tried talking to him, which became very awkward after that and we ended up never talking to each other again. For the whole month. Although I think we are still Facebook friends.
In class one afternoon I asked Paul Dallaghan (an amazing certified Asthanga Yoga Teacher who led the teacher training): "What do you do if you find yourself attracted to a student you are teaching"?
"You stay away" came the response. The whole class laughed. "But what if they need an adjustment"? I said. "You stay away" he said. And the class laughed again.
Issues of love addiction and intrigue abound in the yoga world. They abound as much as doubts on how to make money once you become a teacher. BUT. Nobody talks about these things. Both of them don't have room in the 200 or 10,000 hr Program. Ooorrrr, they are a big taboo.
One late full-moon night, after everyone had gone to sleep and the whole of Yoga Thailand was quiet, I ventured to the ocean.
I sat by the sea shore taking in the salty air on the wet sand. Alone. With the moon illuminating every ripple of the water. And that is when I talked to her directly:
"Dear Mother Moon:
Please take away this confusion, please bring me a man who wants a real relationship. Who loves me and whom I love. Where I can have a solid, real, committed relationship. Where we allow each other to be who we are and soar. So I can relax into love and focus all my energy into my passion for yoga. Thank you."
I looked at the moon for a while in awe as the clouds passed under her in a surreal scene. Then walked back to sleep for early pranayama.
That was the most beautiful moment in my whole Teacher Training.
It was real, I was alone, there was no classroom involved (although of course the atmosphere, the teachings, the yoga, the cleansing, and the singing of mantras all day helped).
It healed me. It stated my intention. It eventually even brought me what I wanted.
In the end, we learn the lessons of yoga like that. Alone. While talking to the full moon.
Also Juicy:
My Name is Claudia and I am a Love Addict
12 Yoga Inspired Ways to Meet the Man or Woman of Your Dreams
How I Met Claudia (Guest Post From James)
Love me please. Follow me on Twitter!
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| James Bond circa how women like to objectify him In our times |
With the deepest bottom-of-my-belly voice I could muster, I said: "Oh No Sean, I meant LICK-ABLE, in e-ve-ry sense of the word." Gosh it felt so good!
In Thailand one morning after breakfast while at Teacher Training, I recounted this story again (one of many times) to a group of women that had gathered for breakfast, and again it felt so good because for the first time in my life, after 41 years of being in the planet I was fiiiiiiiii-naly doing what men have been doing for centuries: Objectifying a human being of the opposite sex WITHOUT any shame!
Come to think of it, It was not really the first time, I had actually objectified and even obsess over unavailable men before. Many times. But I had never actually verbalized it. Take it out. You know? the way men talk about women?
I had repressed that talk forever!
Of course I obsessed over an unavailable man while in Thailand too.
I had an issue with this and there is never a better place for issues to surface than when you are immersing yourself in yoga. It kind of means it's working, the yoga that is.
If it was surfacing, it meant I had to heal, I had to pay attention to it.
So this guy -the obsessed over- whom I met at breakfast on the first morning in the island of Ko Samui asked me: "how do you say 'I love you' in Spanish?".
Strange kind of question, don't you think? As I left to change clothes for the afternoon lecture he yelled at me: "Te Amo"... for no reason at all. He was not attracted to me, I think he was as petrified of relationships as I was at the time. He was also much younger than me.
Thing is, by then I had some recovery in me and I could identify exactly what was to happen. I was to obsess over this unavailable man who was probably going through his own issues. Otherwise, why would he say that?
Knowing I had an issue with it made things easier. I allowed myself to feel all the feelings that came with it, I noticed when I wanted to put my mat near his, when I tried to create intrigue, or when I tried talking to him, which became very awkward after that and we ended up never talking to each other again. For the whole month. Although I think we are still Facebook friends.
In class one afternoon I asked Paul Dallaghan (an amazing certified Asthanga Yoga Teacher who led the teacher training): "What do you do if you find yourself attracted to a student you are teaching"?
"You stay away" came the response. The whole class laughed. "But what if they need an adjustment"? I said. "You stay away" he said. And the class laughed again.
Issues of love addiction and intrigue abound in the yoga world. They abound as much as doubts on how to make money once you become a teacher. BUT. Nobody talks about these things. Both of them don't have room in the 200 or 10,000 hr Program. Ooorrrr, they are a big taboo.
One late full-moon night, after everyone had gone to sleep and the whole of Yoga Thailand was quiet, I ventured to the ocean.
I sat by the sea shore taking in the salty air on the wet sand. Alone. With the moon illuminating every ripple of the water. And that is when I talked to her directly:
"Dear Mother Moon:
Please take away this confusion, please bring me a man who wants a real relationship. Who loves me and whom I love. Where I can have a solid, real, committed relationship. Where we allow each other to be who we are and soar. So I can relax into love and focus all my energy into my passion for yoga. Thank you."
I looked at the moon for a while in awe as the clouds passed under her in a surreal scene. Then walked back to sleep for early pranayama.
That was the most beautiful moment in my whole Teacher Training.
It was real, I was alone, there was no classroom involved (although of course the atmosphere, the teachings, the yoga, the cleansing, and the singing of mantras all day helped).
It healed me. It stated my intention. It eventually even brought me what I wanted.
In the end, we learn the lessons of yoga like that. Alone. While talking to the full moon.
Also Juicy:
My Name is Claudia and I am a Love Addict
12 Yoga Inspired Ways to Meet the Man or Woman of Your Dreams
How I Met Claudia (Guest Post From James)
Love me please. Follow me on Twitter!
Quentin, agreed, caring in a healthy way is good. I just wish there was more open discussion of real issues like this. Guess the book "Teaching Yoga" does address it... Thanks for your comment
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